


Pretty

by FrankieFandom



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Casey Centric, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, hurt!Casey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-08-19 06:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8194358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieFandom/pseuds/FrankieFandom
Summary: Casey likes to deal with everything himself, he's a private person, but some things can't be dealt with alone.





	1. An Admirer

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after 3.11 Let Him Die, it ignores the arson storyline that started at the end of the episode. It was inspired by a line from House MD and the lovely Pallada.

Casey walked out of the fire ridden building with a man clinging to his turnout jacket, he dropped the victim off at the ambulance where the man was looked over by Brett and Mills before he went over to his rig. He was the last out of the building.

The man was sitting on the gurney at the back of the ambulance as he was checked over. He paid little attention to the two paramedics and kept his eyes on his rescuer.

Casey had taken off his mask and oxygen tank. There was soot on his face, highlighting his bright blue eyes; his blond hair was sticking up in all directions and there was sweat dripping down his brow. He was standing with Boden as the engine crew put the fire to rest, he was unfastening his turnout coat when it felt like he was being watched but he looked around and saw nothing.

The man eyed Casey as he looked around but went unnoticed by him. "Is he seeing someone?" he asked outwardly as Brett took the pressure cuff off his arm.

"Huh?" Brett was surprised at the question and didn't reply.

"He's too pretty to be straight," he said offhandedly.

Brett thought little of the comment and finished examining him. "Well, you're fine, you don't even need to go to the hospital," she smiled and he stood up from the gurney. "Kelly," she called him over as he walked past. "You still on for Molly's tomorrow night?"

"Of course," he replied.

"Casey coming?" she asked.

"I doubt it," he shook his head and looked over to his fellow lieutenant.

She sighed. "Because Dawson's going to be there?"

"They broke up, it's hard for him." Severide shrugged and headed to the squad rig. Everyone seemed to be taking Casey and Dawson's breakup lightly, not that they should be trying to hold back their tears or weeping when they thought about it, but it just seemed to Severide that no one really thought how Casey felt about the situation. After all, it was Dawson who had left him but perhaps that gossip hadn't spread yet. It's not like Casey would have spoken about it to anyone, or perhaps no one had really cared to ask either of them for the details, or they'd been falsified.

Their shift ended at 8am the next morning and that evening Severide was about to leave the house to meet the others at Molly's when he noticed Casey. He was sitting on the couch wearing a burgundy hoody and loose jeans, he'd not tamed his hair after showering and it had dried naturally, it made him look so much younger. Severide understood why he liked to keep it neat and tidy for work, it gave him an air of authority compared to now, where it jutted up, making him look less than his years.

"Sure you're not coming?" Severide asked as he grabbed his keys from the side and shoved them into his jeans pocket.

"I'm sure," Casey replied from the couch, barely looking up from his book

"You need to get out," Severide said, a little exasperated. Casey had done very little socialising recently, none if you discounted the couple of construction jobs he had going on at the moment, and Severide didn't count them.

"Not to Molly's, not tonight," he stated, head back down in his book.

"Because Dawson's working tonight?" Severide questioned.

"That is the obvious reason, yes," he replied. And the fact was he just didn't want to hang out with his crew all the time, it wasn't right.

Severide sighed. "Want me to stay here?"

"No, go have fun," Casey glanced up from his book.

Severide left Casey to his book and his own dismal thoughts. It had nearly been one week since Dawson had left him. Nearly one week since his fist had smashed right through the plaster board. Two weeks since he'd walked into Molly's to find Mills and Dawson hand in hand. Two weeks since he heard her proclaim that 'it's not the work part that's tough, it's the home part.' Two weeks since he spent the night driving around Chicago before arriving home in the early hours to change and head to the firehouse. The words still stung him now. Part of him wished he had slept with the blonde who'd brought his mobile phone back to 51, then at least he'd feel like there was a better, easier, explanation for his breakup with Dawson, but he wasn't one to cheat, it just wasn't him, he could never do that and the fact that Dawson thought he would broke his heart. He'd never given her a reason not to trust her.

He'd spent his time since their breakup keeping his schedule full, busying himself with a few construction jobs when he wasn't on shift. He had little time to think about everything if he kept himself busy, and he was certain Severide wouldn't be pleased if he came home to find more holes in the wall. His hand wouldn't be pleased either, the bruise was only just fading, and the skin only just healing. But he was angry, angry because he hadn't stopped her, angry because he'd tried his best and she'd still left, he'd done everything she wanted, they'd postponed getting married so she could complete her candidacy on Truck 81 when he could have said no. Things would have been easier if he'd said no to Boden the first time the idea was even suggested, she could have trained under someone else when she eventually got a spot, but he hadn't wanted to say no, he had wanted her to have everything she wanted right away because he loved her, he _still_ loved her.

Severide returned home several hours later to find Casey's book discarded on the floor, the TV was on and there was a bottle of whiskey open on the coffee table, an empty glass held on his friend's lap. "You're drunk."

Casey looked up slowly. "So are you."

"Difference is I got drunk out with friends, you got drunk sat in our apartment on your own." Severide walked further into the apartment, a little unbalanced on his feet.

"Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?" he smiled lopsidedly.

Severide thought for a moment. "I'm gonna get another glass." He eyed the tumbler in Casey's hand. Maybe Casey would talk.

The next morning Severide watched Casey from his seat at the breakfast bar. Casey quickly grabbed a bottle of juice, an apple and flung his bag over his shoulder. "Rushing out?" Severide asked.

"I need to pick up some supplies before I go over to the Martins," he replied quickly before stepping out the door.

"See ya…" Severide muttered to himself as the front door closed. Casey hadn't explained the ins and outs of his breakup with Dawson, he was trying his best to be friendly with her despite how much she had hurt his best friend. It was in these situations he missed Shay even more, she'd know what to do, what to say. She'd know what to tell him to do and say also. Casey was incredibly private so he tried his best not to pry, but how was he supposed to help him feel better if he didn't know exactly what had happened?

During their next shift Casey kept to himself, he continued the pattern of retreating into his quarters after calls and meal times, a pattern that had been implemented since Dawson left him. Of course he spoke to her cordially enough and was an upstanding lieutenant. He would help her out with anything she was unsure of, answered any questions and gave her orders like he would any candidate, only that feeling of dread whenever he sent her into a burning building still gnawed away at his gut, his heart still plummeted when she wasn't exactly where he'd told her to be.

"You looking for someone?" Herrmann questioned when he walked out of the common room to find a lost looking man. He vaguely recognised him.

"Hi, yes, you guys pulled me out of a burning building a few days ago, a Lieutenant Casey did actually, I wanted to say thank you," the man replied.

"He's in his quarters. I'll go get him," Herrmann smiled.

Casey was sat hunched over some paperwork when Herrmann popped his head round the door announcing. "You have a fan."

"What?" He twisted round and frowned.

"He has flowers and wine," Herrmann said with a smile, they often got small tokens of appreciation after helping people on what was the worst days of their lives.

"Flowers? That's a rare one." His eyes widened a little in surprise.

Herrmann just shrugged. "He wants to say thanks to you."

"Right, thanks, I'll be there in a minute," he replied. He finished the sentence he was in the middle of before getting up, and heading to meet the man he'd rescued from the apartment fire during his last shift.

"Hi," the man beamed as he thrust a hand out to shake Casey's. "Harvey. You pulled me out of…"

"I remember," Casey smiled and shook Harvey's hand.

"Erm… I got you something to say thank you," Harvey passed him a large bunch of flowers and a bag that contained the wine bottle.

"Thank you, just doing our job," he replied self-deprecatingly.

"Well, it was very nice to meet you," Harvey smiled eagerly.

Casey tried to mask the confused frown from his face. "Erm… you too, nice to meet you too," he stuttered a little.

"Thanks again and see you around," Harvey said, smile still plastered across his face.

"Yeah… see you around." He couldn't hide his frown at the odd turn their meeting had taken but Harvey had already turned and left. Herrmann and Cruz quickly swiped the flowers and wine from Casey. "Hey! Not on shift. Take it to Molly's," he called after them.

Just as he was about to head back to his quarters he spotted a card that must have fallen from the flowers. He picked it up and walked back to his quarters, sitting down at his desk. He opened the card expecting the generic thank you note, only to be surprised to discover it was just him, not the firehouse, that had been addressed and Harvey's number was jotted down beneath the man's name. He shook his head and dropped the card down onto the tray on his desk.

"Lieutenant!" Herrmann greeted him cheerfully from behind the bar at Molly's the next day. "Not seen you in here since… ah…"

Casey masked his face with a well-rehearsed smile, "Meeting Severide," he said as Herrmann poured him a beer.

"You've come straight from a job?" Herrmann asked.  
  
He nodded.  
  
"You've been busy recently."

"Good money before everything really slows down for winter," he replied.

"Why is that?" Herrmann asked curiously as he passed Casey his drink.

"Guess people are just less inclined to make any changes, or have much work done, and Christmas is an expensive time of year for some," he responsive.

"Yeah," Herrmann grumbled, "Don't I know it… You should see the length of some of the Christmas list the kids sent to 'Santa'…"

"Hey." It was Severide, he took a seat next to him and ordered a beer. "You ready for the best night of your life?" he grinned.

"Best night of my life?" Casey frowned dubiously. All Severide had suggested was going to a few different bars, having something to eat, a little to drink. He hadn't really wanted to go, but knew he'd have to stop hiding away at home to avoid constant questions about his mental welfare.

"Well, it might be… Neither of us will know because I doubt we'll remember anything tomorrow morning," Severide grinned, almost mischievously.

"Kelly, I…" he began hesitantly.

"You want to have a good time, I'll show you a good time," Severide said enthusiastically.

"I don't want to get so drunk that I don't remember anything…" he told him.

"Spoil sport," Severide laughed.

"Thought you and your liver were supposed to be taking it easy?"

After a couple of drinks each they decided to head to another bar, or more precisely Severide had decided it was time to go to another bar. He steered Casey away from his stool towards the front door, the front door that held so many memories and feeling's for Casey, he had helped Dawson choose it and installed it for her nearly two years ago. Severide's arm was around Casey's back, ushering him out of the bar when the front door opened as they reached it.

"Lieutenant Casey!" came a very enthusiastic greeting from a man the open door revealed. Severide didn't recognise him.

"Oh, hi, Harvey..." Casey replied, a little shocked to see the man again.

"You two know each other?" Severide questioned.

"Yeah," Harvey replied in unison to Casey's honest, "Not really."

"Are you leaving?" Harvey asked Casey, he'd been focused on him the entire time; he gave Severide very little thought and no attention.

"Yeah, bye…" he responded. Unknown to them Harvey eyed the arm that Severide had placed around Casey's back as they left the bar.

"What was that?" Severide asked when they emerged onto the sidewalk.

"Nothing," he shook his head, "Can we just go back home?"

"Sure... if that's what you really want?" Severide replied, although there was disappointment evident in his tone.

"It is," he insisted. For some reason Harvey's presence had unnerved him, he was probably overthinking it because it's not like Molly's wasn't open to the public, anyone could walk in and have a drink, something to eat, but the fact he'd greeted him so enthusiastically and had left his phone number in a card addressed to him put him on edge. But perhaps he really was just grateful for being pulled out of the apartment fire, it wouldn't be the first time someone came and thanked them all wholeheartedly for doing their duty. He would just put the man to the back of his mind, he didn't know his past, his story, maybe he was lonely, had no family, no friends, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for someone to reach out to their rescuer.


	2. Paranoia

A couple of weeks passed by and Casey had forgotten all about Harvey's card and his appearance at Molly's. He had not gotten over his breakup with Dawson but on the outside not even Severide could tell, he masked his thoughts and feelings well, he was no longer avoiding Molly's on the nights that Dawson worked there. Life was going on like normal.

Casey was sat in the common room when Otis walked up and announced, "Someone's on the phone asking for you."

"Who?" he questioned but Otis just shrugged and left him to get up, head to the tower and pick up the phone. "Lieutenant Casey here."

There was no response.

"Hello?"

Still nothing.

He put the phone down and went back to the common room. It wasn't long before they were called out to the scene of a stove fire.

Later in the day, sitting at the squad table Severide took no notice of the man who strolled onto the apparatus floor and through the double doors inside, there were always people coming and going during the day at the firehouse. The man walked casually inside, happy he'd not been questioned but he doubted he would be, if he were he'd come up with an excuse.

Harvey couldn't find Lieutenant Casey anywhere but this was definitely his shift, he'd made sure of that. He ended up walking into the empty locker room in a last attempt to catch a glimpse of his rescuer; he could hear the shower running so he decided to wait. The wait was worth his while.

Casey stepped out of the shower sopping wet, he reached across for his towel, ran it across his body before wrapping it around his waist and stepping into the locker room to dress. He opened up his locker, remembering the stressful weeks of concern when he was petrified he'd forget the code for his padlock. He pulled some clean clothes out and let the towel drop to the floor, the locker room was empty after all. He looked up suddenly when he heard a clicking sound; he frowned, pulling his black boxers up. He was sure he was alone, everyone else had showered as soon as they'd returned back from the call. He was the last in the locker room, but he couldn't help but think there was someone in there with him as he zipped and fastened his pants up.

"I'm being paranoid," he muttered to himself. He blamed it on the little sleep he'd gotten the previous night. Severide had returned home in the early hours and had made no effort to keep the noise down, and once he was awake it had taken him a while to fall back to sleep.

Once he'd dressed and towel dried his hair Casey made his way to his quarters to write up the call. The was a small note on his desk that hadn't been there earlier, he wondered if it was from Connie asking him to do something, he grabbed it and turned it over.

_'Matt, looking forward to seeing you again.'_

"You look like you've seen a ghost!" Severide grinned. Casey almost jumped back and Severide's smile was quickly replaced with concern. "You all right?"

He scrunched up the note and shoved it into his pocket. "Fine. What do you want?"

"Erm…" Severide was a little hesitant upon the annoyance in Casey's tone. "We're making a run out to get dinner, you want a burger and fries?"

"No, I'm good," he responded, tone still hardened. It felt like there were butterflies flapping away around his insides, he couldn't possibly eat.

Severide left and it wasn't long before Herrmann showed up at his door. "Lieutenant?"

"What is it now?" he sighed, he turned and saw the confused expression across Herrmann's face. "Sorry, what is it?" he repeated, his tone lighter this time, inwardly hating himself for lashing out.

"The chief wants to see you, he's in his office," Herrmann supplied.

"Casey, come in," Boden beckoned when he saw the lieutenant approach his office. "Close the door behind you."

"Is everything all right?" Casey asked as he closed the door.

"Take a seat," Boden instructed.

He frowned, "Have I done…"

"How are you doing?" Boden asked with a small smile.

"Fine…" he replied.

"The situation with Dawson?" Boden questioned.

"She's doing great," he smiled.

"I know the ins and outs of this firehouse," Boden stated. "You two are no longer together."

He held back a groan. They were having _that_ conversation.

"I can't help but feel a little guilty as I suggested the idea that…" Boden began.

"Oh, no, Chief," he shook his head. "It just didn't work out between us, just one of those things," he shrugged, "She's doing well on truck, there's been a few rookie mistakes but I'm sure I'll iron them out."

"And you're still ok with her working under you?" Boden asked.

"Of course." His smile felt forced this time, it pinched at the corners of his mouth and he'd be glad to let it slip from his face but not here.

Boden smiled back at him. "I'm glad, you're a great lieutenant, she'll be learning a lot from you, she's working well with everyone else?"

"She is," he nodded.

"Good to hear to it," Boden beamed.

"Is that everything?" He moved to stand up.

"I have a personal matter I want to ask you about also," Boden began seriously.  
  
Casey remained sat in the chair. "Is everything all right? Donna and Terrance?" he asked with concern.

"Yes, everything's fine," Boden replied. "I was wondering if you would be Godfather to Terrance?"

"Me?" he questioned suddenly, unable to hide the shock from both his expression and voice.

"Of course, you can say no if you don't want to…" Boden said.

"I'm honoured, really, but me?" he questioned again.

"Yes…" Boden replied. He smiled, "Would you rather Severide influence him with his…"

"Oh that's probably not that wise but… " he frowned.

"Don't feel obligated," Boden replied.

"No I don't, I'd love to," he nodded. "I'd love to… just… it's just unexpected."

Boden's face lit up. "You'd love to?"

"Of course… When is the Christening?" he asked.

"A couple of weeks away. Donna is sending everyone the details, I just wanted to ask you first," Boden explained.

"Thanks," he smiled and stood up. "Thank you," he repeated as he left the office.

The next day Casey and Severide crossed paths as he walked through the gate to their apartment building. "Off out?"

"We have no food," Severide stated.

"Didn't realise… Want me to come to the store with…" Casey trailed off, he saw something from the corner of his eye that made him turn back to look at the street. He frowned when he saw nothing, no one was there.

"Case?" Severide questioned.

"Erm… What was I saying?" he frowned, "Oh, you want me to go to the store with you?"

"No point in us both going, you want anything?" Severide replied.

"Nah," he replied distractedly.

"What's up with you?" Severide asked. "And what did Boden want yesterday?"

He smiled. "He asked me to be Terrance's Godfather."

"Really?" Severide was a little surprised at first, just like he had been but then the shock disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, "Well, yeah, makes sense."

"Makes sense?" he questioned.

"You're a good influence, Mouch is Mouch, Herrmann is already inundated with kids, and me, well… no, it makes sense for it to be you. Congrats."

"Congrats?" he repeated.

"It's sort thing people congratulate over, right?" Severide asked uncertainly.

"I guess," he shrugged.

Casey stripped and showered once he was in the apartment. It was nice to finally get the dust and grime off after he'd spent most of the day pulling tiles off a kitchen wall and plastering the whole room. Severide had exaggerated their lack of food and he knocked up a quick omelette, too hungry to wait for Severide to arrive back home.

Severide juggled the two grocery bags as he opened the gate and walked up to the door, there was a man standing by the entrance. "You all right?" he didn't recognise him as one of their neighbours, but he could have recently moved in, the man mumbled something inaudibly before turning around and leaving. Severide thought nothing of it.

"Lieutenant!" Cruz called over as Casey left the building, overhaul completed, during their next shift. "There's someone here for you, says you know him."

"Huh?" he frowned. Cruz turned and pointed across the street, waiting behind Truck 81 was Harvey. "Right… Pack up the rig," he ordered before marching over to Harvey. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"Just watching, Matt," Harvey replied nonchalantly, a look of admiration in his eyes.

"Were you at the firehouse a few days ago?" he questioned immediately.

Harvey beamed. "You remembered."

"So you were there? You left a note on my desk?"  
  
Harvey just smiled.  
  
"You need to leave me alone now, you've said thank you, you need to stop coming by the house, you can't just walk in…"

Harvey's smile fell. "You didn't like it?"

"No. No, I didn't." He was entirely unnerved by the situation, and it took a lot to unnerve him.

"Why not?" Harvey looked genuinely hurt.

"I don't know you, you don't know me, I think it's best if you just stop now," he spoke with authority, eyeing the man up. Harvey was a little taller than him but nowhere near as broad. There was something in his eyes that Casey couldn't quite make out, anger perhaps, a darkness that didn't sit well with him.

"You can get to know me," Harvey smiled, "And I know more about you than you think."

Casey moved in closer. "Get the hell out of here and don't come near me again," he said forcefully, but he was careful not to make a scene. He didn't want anyone to notice the heated conversation.

A couple of weeks passed by, the whole firehouse had attended Terrance's Christening, the night before Casey had been petrified that Boden's son would cry in his arms but that was not the case. During that time Casey had heard nothing from Harvey, his words must have gotten through to him, he had felt a little harsh but the whole situation had been bizarre.

Casey looked up from his newspaper to see Herrmann walked through the common room holding a large steal contraption, he was closely followed by Otis and Cruz. "What is that?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"Probably safer not to ask," Severide spoke as he walked in to refill his mug of coffee.

"It's for Molly's," Herrmann replied swiftly as he left the room.

"Swear one day I will give up asking…" he muttered and looked back down at the article he'd been reading. A shadow crept over his newspaper, he looked up again, Severide was leaning on the table. "What?"

"Double date, tomorrow night," Severide stated.

"What? No..." he said immediately, groaning at the idea. 

"You've got to," Severide replied.

"No I don't," he shook his head.

"For me, you've got to do it for me, this has nothing to do with your love life, or lack of one I should say." Severide flashed him a smile.

"Hey!" he protested.

Severide shoved his phone into his view, showing him a photo. "She has a sister."

"Ok," he shrugged.

"A lonely sister," Severide explained.

"Ok," he repeated with another shrug.

"Double date with me, her and her sister."

"No," he replied.

"You've got to," Severide insisted

"What, she'll only go out with you if you get her sister a date?" he questioned.

"Yup," Severide gave a quick nod.

"No," he repeated his previous answer.

"Come on, Case, please," Severide tried again.

He scoffed. "Just go out with someone else."

"Have you seen her photo?" Severide smiled, "I don't want to go out with anyone else… Please? Just dinner and a movie… I'll pay?"

"Dinner and a movie?" he frowned, "You don't do dinner and a movie, you do…"

"Again, the photo," Severide interrupted indicating the screen on his phone.

"In the space of two minutes you've insulted my love life and offered me a bribe."

"Yes I have…" Severide replied.

He sighed. "Well, you've got to offer me more than that… What if it's the most boring night of my life?" His eyes smiled.

"You spend several evenings a week covered in a blanket watching the Discovery Channel, you can't get more boring than that," Severide teased.

"You'll pay?" he raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"For the whole evening;" Severide smiled.

"You already told them I'd do it?" he realised.

"Yup," Severide grinned, already walking away. Leaving Casey shaking his head, wondering what he'd got himself into.


	3. Escalation

Casey sat next to Severide at the small round table during their double date. It was a complete disaster as Casey had suspected, he had nothing in common with the sister and they had ran out of small talk by the time their main course arrived. They would be saved conversation as soon as they entered the movie theatre, only Casey nearly didn't make it. In the foyer his phone rang, an unknown number, he used this phone for business as well as pleasure so he answered assuming it was a perspective client. "Hello, Matt Casey speaking."

 _"I want to say I'm sorry."_ It was Harvey.

Casey moved his phone away. "Go in without me, I'll find you," he said to the others before bringing the phone back to his ear.

'Everything ok?' Severide mouthed.

He just nodded and urged him into the movie screen before he replied to Harvey. "I told you to leave me alone, you said thank you, now you really need to stop, I was just doing my job, any one of my men would have done the same."

 _"But you did, you rescued me, you appeared above me beneath a halo of fire,"_ Harvey replied, he was speaking slowly and quietly, _"Fate brought us together."_

"When I told you leave me alone I meant it, don't call me, don't follow me to any scenes…" he began heatedly.

 _"You don't like me?"_ Harvey questioned straightaway, his voice had lost all its softness, he was angry now.

"We've had this conversation before. Do I really need to repeat myself?" he asked heatedly.

 _"You can get to know me, you'll like me as much as I like you,"_ Harvey replied almost sweetly, the constant change in attitude was disturbing.

"You don't know anything about me," he said forcefully, "And I do not want to know anything about you." He hung up and shoved his phone back into his jacket pocket.

"Hey..." Severide walked over to him. "We have seats, the trailers have just started…"

"I've got to go," he said abruptly, about to turn and leave, he really wasn't in the mood to continue with the rest of their plans for the night.

"What's happened?" Severide asked although he doubted he'd get an answer, at least not a truthful one.

"Erm…" he hesitated, he had no excuse. "Nothing." He followed Severide into the movie screen, he wasn't about to admit there was a man following him around and leaving him notes and messages. He spent the entire movie thinking about the phone call he had received, for a moment he had thought about mentioning Harvey to Severide but just as quickly as the thought entered his mind he dismissed it, he'd handle the situation on his own, there was no need to even mention it.

Predictably Severide didn't go home to their apartment that night. Casey was polite but bid farewell to the sister after they left the movie theatre. Once at home Casey stayed up a little longer, he glanced down at his phone and decided the best course of action was to simply block Harvey from calling him again.

"Good night?" he asked the next morning when Severide returned back home looking a little worse for wear.

"Thank you by the way," Severide walked up to the breakfast bar.

"No problem," he shrugged, "The film wasn't bad."

"Sorry the date part of it wasn't so great," Severide replied.

"Wasn't expecting it to be."

"So… What was that phone call?" Severide asked.

"What phone call?" he asked as if he hadn't been thinking about it all night.

"What phone call?" Severide repeated incredulously. "The one that had you go as white as a sheet."

"It was nothing, just business," he replied indifferently.

"Right…" Severide replied with disbelief but he dropped the matter, he knew Casey too well.

During their next shift Severide popped by Casey's quarters. "There's someone here to see you."

"What?" he didn't hide the irritation from his tone.

"Erm…" Casey's angry reaction had shocked him. "… Yeah… on the apparatus floor." He watched as Casey just strode off in that direction.

"Matt!"

Casey was shocked to find Violet playing with Pouch by the squad table as he stormed out of the doors. "Violet?" he frowned, stopping in his tracks before walking over to her. "Are you ok? What are you doing here? ... Of course you're welcome here whenever you want…" he added when he saw the look on his niece's face.

"It's school holidays," she smiled, "And mom said I could pop by and invite you to our Christmas Eve party."

"You took the bus?" he questioned.

"I _am_ old enough," she grinned.

"Of course," he smiled; he just always pictured her as a little girl. "Why don't we go to the kitchen, see what cake we have?"

They sat in the common room together and finished off some birthday cake that was left by first watch. "Will you come to the party? Mom has invited her new boyfriend," she explained happily.

"She has a boyfriend?" he asked, although he shouldn't be too surprised it had been months since her divorce had been finalised. "You both like him?"

"He's a vet," Violet smiled.

"That's a yes then!" He was glad they were happy.

"You've not answered my question," she pointed out.

"I'm working," he replied. "I'm not working Christmas Day though, so how about I come by and see you then?"

"Really?" she smiled.

"Of course, if your mom doesn't mind," he said. He had no plans for Christmas, he didn't think Severide had plans either so the two of them would probably end up sitting around watching Christmas movies on the TV whilst complaining that they didn't like Christmas movies.

"She won't," she replied. "Thanks for the cake, Uncle Matt," she stood up.

"You're going?" he asked.

"I have so much homework to do," she explained with a heavy sigh, "I was only allowed out the house if I came here!"

"I'll give you a ride back," he replied. He stood up from the couch and called over to Herrmann, "I'm just dropping Violet back home, I'll have my radio on."

Casey returned back from his sister's house in less than twenty-five minutes, he pulled his truck into one of the parking spaces by the side of the firehouse. He stepped out and shut the door, he nearly jumped when someone stepped over to him. "Hello Matt."

"Harvey…" he composed himself quickly. "What are you doing here? I told…"

"I've been waiting for you. Where have you been? I tried calling you," Harvey asked urgently.

"You need to stay away from me," he said, "You can't keep turning up."

"But I like you, Matt," Harvey smiled, "You're pretty. Pretty, pretty, pretty..."

Casey's breathing shallowed, he took a step back but his back was already millimetres from his truck door, Harvey moved in closer, it felt like he was towering over him. "You need to go," Casey spoke firmly, "If I see you again I'll call the police."

"What have I done? I've done nothing wrong. You just need to get to know me and then you'll see, you'll see..." Harvey smiled innocently. It was unnerving.

He pulled out his phone threateningly. "I will call the police," he stated. Although he had no intention in doing so, it was just an empty threat, he didn't want to the police involved, he didn't want anyone involved, the entire situation was embarrassing enough without informing anyone else. The threat worked, Harvey backed off and left.

Christmas came and went, three weeks passed since he had threatened Harvey in the car park. It was nearly forgotten about, although Casey couldn't shake the paranoia that had taken over. Dawson seemed to have moved on from their relationship, she was dating, and Casey appeared not to mind but in the back of his mind he was jealous of her ability to move on, of her ability to just fall out of love with him when he still loved her. He reminded himself almost daily that she chose her career over him, he shouldn't love someone like that, yet he did. However, each call was becoming easier and easier, each time he ordered her into a burning building his stomach fluttered less and less at the thought of her getting harmed, that must mean he was slowly moving on as well. He really needed to get out, to get out and move on.

Severide had similar thoughts. "You really need to get yourself back on the market," he insisted over dinner. They were sitting on the couch watching a game and eating.

"So you've said… four times in the last week alone," Casey noted.

"Because it's the truth," Severide replied.

"Fine," he nodded, "Let's go out tonight then." If he was honest with himself he was a little fed up of spending most of his evenings hauled up in their apartment, especially as when he was on shift and heard all about Dawson's entertaining nights out.

Casey woke up completely disorientated in a bedroom that was not his own. "Morning," a voice greeted him softly.

"Morning…" he frowned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he could remember very little from the previous ten hours.

"I have to go to work," the lady replied. "You can let yourself out."

"Right, thanks…" he muttered as he watched her leave. His head was throbbing as he groped around the room for all his clothes.

Severide was sitting at the dining table when he arrived back at the apartment, minus one sock.

"That really is the last time I take your advice."

"You needed to get laid, you'll be much perkier now, it was like living with a grumpy old man for weeks," Severide teased.

"I lost a sock and it took me ten minutes to get past her dog when I tried to leave the place," he said sourly.

Severide smiled. "You're cranky when you're hungover."

"I lost a sock," he repeated miserably.

"But did you have a good night?" Severide questioned, still smiling.

"don't even remember it," he sighed.

"You're such a lightweight," Severide grinned.

"Oh, well, sorry for not being the well-seasoned binge drinker that you are," he mocked.

"You have an admirer by the way," Severide announced. "These were delivered earlier." He reached over and grabbed the previously unseen bunch of flowers.

Casey paled. "Who?"

"Who?" Severide repeated.

"Who dropped them off? What did they look like?" he questioned urgently.

"He looked like a deliveryman," Severide frowned at the inquisition.

Casey took the flowers and turned them over in his hand.

"There's no note," Severide replied sensing what his friend was looking for. "You have a secret admirer," he grinned.

Harvey clicked away at his camera, happy that Matt's roommate had opened the blinds, he'd have plenty more photos to add to his collection, soon Matt would know just how much he liked him, he had saved his life. Harvey needed to show him how much he liked him, he needed to get through to him, Matt didn't understand how he felt, Harvey knew that once Matt understood he would like him just as much as he liked him. He was just confused about his feelings. From what Harvey had learned he had broken up with his girlfriend, it was just going to take him some time to realise his true feelings, and until then he would remain in the background just like Matt had requested. But he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep up his patient act.

Over the next couple of weeks Harvey watched as Matt went out more and more, he didn't always come home. His roommate was a bad influence. Matt was supposed to be moving on and realising that he had told him the truth, that Matt _would_ like him once he got to know him, that fate had brought them together. The apartment was dark when he entered, it hadn't been hard to pick the lock into the building and then into Matts apartment. He already knew which bedroom was his; he'd watched him from the window. He spent an hour lying on the bed before he had to force himself to leave, he took a souvenir with him, he couldn't pass up the opportunity to have something that belonged to Matt. Something that smelled like Matt.

The next day Casey was stood in the lounge going through the clothes he'd just pulled out of the dryer, sorting out what needed ironing and what could just be folded away in his drawers. "Hey, have you seen my blue shirt?"

"You have several blue shirts, Case, you're gonna have to be more specific," Severide replied.

"I wore it a few days ago… thought I'd put it in the basket to wash…" he stated.

"Lieutenant." Connie walked up to Casey during their next shift. "Someone left a message for you whilst you were out, asked you to call them back as soon as you were free," she informed him and handed him a note with a phone number.

He called the number, it rang a couple of times before it was picked up. "Hello, this is Lieutenant…"

Casey barely got his name out before a soft voice replied, _"You should wear red more often."_

"Harvey?" he questioned, it had been weeks since he'd heard anything from him, he thought the man's infatuation with him was over for good.

 _"Of course,"_ Harvey replied.

"I'm hanging up now, don't call me again and… wait… how…" His heart stopped, how on earth did Harvey know he'd worn a red top a few nights ago. He'd been at home, it was an old t-shirt, he didn't wear it out the house unless he was doing a painting job.

 _"Matt?"_ Harvey asked when he heard nothing for a moment.

"Listen, whatever you're doing you've got to stop. I don't like you, I will never like you, I don't know you and I don't ever want to know you." He hung up and paced his quarters to calm himself from the anxiety and anger that that had swooped in.

 _"_ _Truck 81, Squad 3, Engine 51, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25…"_ the sound of the alarms stopped his pacing immediately.

Casey, along with his men and Squad 3 were clearing up the scene of a four car pile-up, he was distracted and it didn't go unnoticed by Dawson who was working next to him. "Matt... Lieutenant," she quickly corrected herself, "Are you all right? You seem…"

"Watch what you're doing," he stated, "That metal will still cut through, even with those gloves on."

When they returned to the house there was a bunch of flowers waiting in the common room for him. Mouch had read the note allowed first after announcing that their lieutenant had an admirer. "Matt, can't wait to get to know you even more intimately, H." Otis, who'd been glancing over his shoulder at the note, then proceeded to make mock kissing noises.

Casey said nothing for a few moments, the laughter died down, he grabbed the flowers but stopped in his tracks before he took them outside to dispose of them. "We're doing some drills after lunch, be on the apparatus floor in half an hour."


	4. Bruised Knuckles

After disposing of the flowers and the disturbing note whilst everyone's attention had left him Casey went and sat alone in his quarters.

"You're not having any lunch?" Dawson appeared at his door with a plate of pasta.

"I don't need you to feed me," he replied quietly, "But thanks. I'm not hungry though."

"Are you ok?" she asked and Casey fought the urge not to sigh out loud.

"Fine, Gabby," he said a little exasperated, this was the second time she'd asked him today.

"So… you're seeing someone?" she asked with a faint smile.

"What?" he frowned.

"The flowers?" she explained.

"I'm not seeing anyone," he replied drearily, fed up of the questioning.

"Oh, I thought…" she began.

"I'm not seeing anyone," he repeated firmly.

After getting his crew started with some drills he went off to find Brett. "Casey," she smiled warmly as he walked up to her.

"You keep records of everyone you treat, right?" he asked, she nodded as curiosity crossed her face. "They still paper records?"

"Both," Brett replied.

"Can I have a look? Or does that breech some sort of confidentiality? It's from a call 81 were at a few months ago," he explained.

"Sure, Lieutenant, come with me," she smiled.

Casey soon found himself sitting in the front of Ambulance 61 flipping through the paper logbook until he found the information on the call he wanted. "Thanks Brett, you're a lifesaver."

"Comes with the job," she grinned. "You got what you wanted then?"

"Of course," he replied. "Yeah got exactly what I needed, thanks." He had found Harvey's surname. He'd realised that after the fire damage done to his apartment he wasn't staying there, he wanted to find out where he worked, he wanted to end this once and for all and that would mean approaching the man.

He joined in with the drills for another hour before letting his crew get back to watching TV and playing cards. He felt better having taken some of his anger out with exercise. Whilst the others went to the common room he went to his quarters and quickly had a search on his laptop with Harvey's name. It was time to deal with the situation his way.

The next day he strolled into an estate agents office and was greeted by an overly friendly whale of a man. "Hi there! What can I do for you today? We've got plenty of properties ranging from…"

"Actually I was looking for one of your colleagues? A Harvey Waters?" Casey asked with a small smile.

"Ah, he works here part time, I can leave a message?" the man suggested.

"It's fairly that important I speak to him in person as soon as I can, do you know where he's living at the moment?" Casey explained.

"Oh," the man stammered, "I don't know if I can give you that sort of information."

"I'm a firefighter, it's to do with his apartment," he pulled out his badge, he'd brought it thinking it would come in handy and it did.

"I see, such a shame that, it was a nice apartment, a good investment," the man replied.

Casey nodded, feigning interest. "Do you know where I could find him?"

"He's staying with his mom," the man replied. "I'll write the address down for you."

"Thank you, you've been a huge help," he smiled.

"Anything to help Harvey, he's a good man, a great sales advisor," the man smiled back. "If you're ever looking for a place to buy give me a call, here's my card as well as the address."

Casey then spent the entire afternoon hanging around near the address he had been given. He'd left his truck out of sight although he regretted the decision because the cold air was brutal, but he didn't want to be recognised by the man. He would have strolled straight up to the front door if it wasn't the man's mother's home, it would have been much easier if Harvey was back in his own apartment; he could have burst in and ended the situation. Sending the flowers and note to the firehouse had been the last straw; he wasn't going to put up with the situation for any longer.

The wait was worth it. The front door opened and Harvey stepped out, Casey only hoped he wasn't about to get into his car, he'd much rather follow him on foot. Luck was on his side. Harvey walked down the steps from his front door, hands stuffed in his pockets, he opened the gate and turned right to walk down the street. Casey kept his distance; he needed to catch him when there were no people around, no nosy neighbours, and somewhere where he'd have the advantage. He waited patiently outside when Harvey stepped into a small store, the man came out with a paper bag full of groceries.  
  
"Dammit..." Casey muttered when Harvey began to walk back the way he'd came. He was going to have to do it now or come back another day. Coming back another day wasn't an option.

He picked up the pace and caught up with Harvey. He quickly pushed him into an alleyway, his grip was on Harvey's shoulders and he kept him pushed up against the wall. Harvey was taller than him but he was absolutely no match to Casey's strength. The grocery bag had fallen to the floor with a crack.

Casey shoved him tightly against the wall. "This is the last time I ever want to see you!" he yelled, his face only millimetres away from Harvey's. "Don't ever send me anything again. Stop following me or I will hurt you." He shoved his forearm just below Harvey's neck for effect. "You're not to phone, message or see me ever again, do you get that? I don't know what your problem is, I don't care, you've got to leave me alone!"  
  
There had been true fear and shock in Harvey's eyes as Casey had spoken but as soon as he stopped the fear and shock vanished and was replaced with a look that Casey couldn't quite apprehend; adoration. Harvey smile almost completely unnerving him.  
  
"Do you understand?" Casey questioned, putting more pressure on the man.

"Oh, I understand all right," Harvey replied softly, "But you won't hurt me, you like me, I know you do."  
  
Casey saw red.

"Still think I won't hurt you?" he snarled.

Harvey was flat on the floor in one punch but he recovered quickly. "That wasn't a very wise idea."

"No," Casey disagreed, shaking his hand, it was throbbing after just the one hit. "That was the wisest decision I've made for a while."

Casey left him lying on the street.

Severide found him standing in the kitchen with a bag of frozen peas on his hand nearly two hours later. "You've not put another hole in our wall, have you?" he questioned.  
  
Casey just shot him a look.  
  
"What have you done then?"

"Just an accident, I didn't do anything," Casey replied a little too quickly for Severide's liking, but other than a questioning raise of an eyebrow he didn't mention the matter.

"I'm heading out again, just came back to change," he explained, "Going to Molly's. You wanna come with? Don't think there's many of us going."

"Yeah, all right, I'll just get changed too," Casey replied. He opted for the smart casual look, he didn't want to be seen in the old scruffy top he'd been wearing all day when it was highly likely that most of his crew would be there; he had to keep up appearances.

They walked straight up to the bar when they entered Molly's, Casey recognised some of the other regulars but no one from the firehouse was there yet, with the exception of Herrmann who was behind the bar.

Herrmann didn't question the angry bruise on his lieutenants right hand as he served him, he'd quickly learnt not to ask Casey questions in regards to his private life.

Casey drank faster than Severide but he didn't question it, there'd been something going on with his friend for months, he thought it was the fact that Dawson had left him but now he wasn't so sure and he didn't want to pry, even when Casey was slightly intoxicated his defences were raised, he wouldn't tell him unless he wanted to. It had taken time to admit to the extent of his head injury, and the fact that he'd not been entirely truthful with his doctors during his recovery, but in the end Casey had spoken to him. Casey had said little since they'd arrived. He took a long swig of his drink. "Do you think I'm pretty?" he asked, his inhibitions lowered, giving him courage.

"What?" Severide scoffed, almost not sure he'd heard Casey right.

"Do you?" he urged.

"Oh… you want a serious answer?" Severide questioned. "You want me to say yes or no…"

"Come on…" he pressed for an answer.

"I dunno… you're just… you," Severide tried.

"Do you think I'm pretty?" he repeated, quieter now, aware of the other patrons in the bar.

"Well… you have blond hair and very bright blue eyes," Severide replied. not entirely sure what was happening, but not wanting to discourage Casey.

"So what? You think I'm pretty?" 

"Well… erm… you're not… unattractive, I don't know about pretty but…" Severide struggled.

"So I'm not pretty?" he asked.

"Erm… no? You're…. attractive… I mean if… you know… well, I'd…" Severide stammered. He took a breath and was silent for a moment. "You're attractive but not 'pretty pretty' like a girl I guess? I dunno." Then he shrugged, "You're asking the wrong person." He didn't want to make thinks awkward between them.

Casey sat back in his chair and sighed. "Right... thanks."

"What's up with you tonight?" Severide questioned, his words finally hesitant free.

He shook his head. "It's just been a long day."

"A long day because of that?" Severide indicated to his bruised knuckles.

"Just a long day," he dismissed.

Severide looked over Casey's shoulder. "The guys are here."

He turned and saw a few of Severide's squad members enter the bar. Casey stood up. "I'm gonna get out of here..."  
  
Severide watched him leave, he'd almost rushed out of the bar making him wish he'd been a little bit more sensitive to Casey's questions.

Casey was sat on the top of his rig making maintenance checks during their next shift when a smartly dressed man called up to him. "Hi, I'm looking for Gabby Dawson."

He got down from the rig, maintenance log under his arm. "I'll go and get her, who shall say is…"

"Mark, her… her boyfriend, I guess," the man smiled.

"Oh, right." He refrained from asking how long they'd been together and turned on his heel to inform Dawson she had a visitor.

Dawson went out and met Mark on the apparatus floor whilst Casey remained just out of site by the double doors. Herrmann stepped up behind him. "What are we looking at?" he said in a hushed tone as he approached. "Oh..." he let out when he saw Dawson and Mark together.

"It was bound to happen eventually," Casey replied stiffly without taking his eyes off Dawson. 

Herrmann placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Come, try some of the little appetizers Brett's just made."

The next day he entered the empty apartment; he flung his jacket off and dropped his keys on the table. He'd been out all day. He'd had a missed call from Severide. " _Case, me and some of the guys are going out tonight, starting at O'Malley's at 7pm, you better join us,"_ the voicemail ended.

He put his phone down, he really didn't feel like going out tonight, he was tired and wasn't in the mood for any socialising after seeing Dawson with Mark during his last shaft. It wasn't that he was jealous, well, he wasn't jealous because she was seeing someone else, he was jealous at how easy it was for her to move on from him. To be fair, she was the one who had left so it made sense, he wished he could move on as quickly as her, he'd slept with a couple of people but they weren't meaningful relationships.  
  
He unscrewed the bottle of wine that Severide must have opened on a previous night and poured himself a glass before sitting down and switching on the TV. He scrolled through and started to watch the National Geographic channel. He sipped at his wine but soon exhaustion seemed to take over and he found that he could barely keep his eyes open.  
  
He moved to put the wine glass down on the coffee table but he could not, he couldn't even lift his arm, his mind was sluggish. Something was very wrong. The glass fell from his hand and onto the couch, spilling its blood red contents. He saw a shadow move across the laminate flooring before he no longer had the strength to keep his eyes open.


	5. Missing

The door to the apartment was unlocked when Severide returned home, it was late and unusual for it to be left like that. "Casey?" he called into the apartment as he entered, locked the door behind him, there was no response.  
  
He glanced around the apartment. Frowning when he discovered the wine glass on its side on the couch; its contents had spilled out on the cushions. Casey's phone was on the kitchen worktop and his keys were by the front door.

"Case? You in?"  
  
Casey's truck was parked at the front of their building, maybe he'd gotten an early night but Casey wouldn't spill wine on the couch and then fail to clean it up, even if he was feeling worse for wear. Severide opened his bedroom door, he wasn't there. Something was very wrong.

He called the first person he could think of. "Antonio, are you working right now?"

 _"_ _I'm at home, why? What's happened?"_ Antonio replied quickly.

"I think something's happened to Casey. Can you come over? I think he's missing," he explained urgently.

 _"_ _How long's he been missing?"_ Antonio questioned.

"I dunno… I've just got back and he's not here, the door was unlocked and… it's just suspicious, ok? Will you come over? I need to find him," he pleaded; he didn't know what else he could do.

Antonio and Voight arrived at the apartment with a couple of uniformed officers not long after Severide's phone call. "Have you touched anything? Moved anything since you back?" Antonio asked as he looked around the place.

"Erm… no, other than opening his bedroom door," Severide replied, "I've knocked on the neighbours doors, they've not noticed anything but it's a new building the walls are almost sound proof."

"You questioned the neighbours?" one of the uniformed officers questioned incredulously. "If he is missing this needs to be done by the book."

Severide eyed Voight, the man certainly didn't do things by the book, and Severide was sure Casey would loath the fact that Voight was currently standing in their apartment. "It's Casey; you have to find him."

"What makes you think he's not just gone out and…" Voight began

"And left his phone? Left the door unlocked? Doesn't sound like Casey to me!" Severide said heatedly, his temper was rising, nothing seemed to be happening, Casey was missing and no one was out there looking for him, he didn't even know where to start.

Antonio was still walking around the apartment. "Bag the wine glass… and the bottle too," he indicated the kitchen worktop. Whilst one of the officers did as he asked Antonio took Casey's phone, he scrolled through, checking calls and messages, but there didn't seem to be anything suspicious. "Get them back to the precinct, get them tested, fingerprints, DNA… test the wine too, ASAP."

ASAP, Severide thought and he scoffed out aloud, it had been hours since he had returned to the apartment and discovered Casey was missing, he didn't even know how long it had been since Casey had last been there. He was sitting in the waiting area at the precinct now. They wouldn't let him anywhere else. It had been a few hours but it felt like a lifetime, there was nothing he could do. He felt absolutely useless.

"Kelly," Antonio appeared in front of him, "You can come with me now."

"You know where he is? You've found him?" he questioned as he stood up to follow Antonio.

"Just come with me, we've got something we want to show you," Antonio replied.

"Why are you all still here? Shouldn't you be out looking for him?" Severide tried to hold back his anger but it failed miserably, it looked like no one was doing anything.

Voight gave Antonio a quick look. "We think a man called Harvey Waters has something to do with all of this," Antonio began, he passed Severide a photo. "We have some officers going over to his mother's house right now. Harvey's apartment was burned down in a fire a couple of months ago, you guys were at the scene. Do you recognise that man?"

Severide looked down at the photo, he shook his head, sighed. "I don't know, maybe, I don't know. Where's Casey?" he demanded.

"We don't know," Antonio spoke the truth. "Harvey's fingerprints were on the wine bottle, he was on the database for disturbance of the peace three years ago."

The phone rang and Voight answered it almost immediately. "Voight here… All right, thanks," his tone didn't hide his alarm.

"What is it?" Severide asked, concern eminent in his expression.

"There were heavy traces of GHB and Rohypnol in the wine," Voight replied, he didn't see the point in hiding anything from Severide.

"Rohypnol… wait, isn't that… isn't that a date rape drug? … Oh God… Where is he?" he demanded again.

"They're both used for that because of the sedative effect," Antonio supplied grimly.

"Where is he? At this guy's mothers house? That doesn't sound likely! Oh God…" Severide trailed off.

"We will find him, Kelly," Antonio tried to reassure him, it didn't work.

"Voight," someone sitting at one of the desks in the office spoke. "Waters has a boat, I'm pulling up the dock's security footage, it's in real time." A few moments later and there was a greyscale bird's eye view of the dock where Harvey kept his boat. "It's not there," he pointed to the empty mooring space.

"Call the Coast Guard, give them the details," Voight replied, "And get through to the marine patrol…"

"Already on it..." Antonio replied, phone against his ear.

"Can they track the boat?" Severide asked in the flurry of movement that was currently happening.

Antonio glanced at him and quickly replied with a nod. "They're pinning its location now." He then spoke to the others, "They'll be going after it, let's join them."

Despite his protests Severide was left at the dock waiting as Antonio and Voight jumped into one of the few police patrol boats that serviced Lake Michigan. He paced the ground, wrapping his arms around himself in the cold air; it was just after 2am and the temperature had dropped significantly. 

Another police patrol boat had already found Harvey's boat, officers had jumped on board by the time Voight and Antonio turned up. Once on board Harvey's small boat a police officer walked over to them. "You were expecting two people? There's just the one but you need to come in and see this," he added ominously, Voight followed the officer.

Harvey was sitting on the floor of the boat, hands pressed against his head, the blood on the deck didn't go unmissed. Antonio bent down to Harvey's level. "Where's Casey?"

The officer standing by Harvey spoke, "We've not managed to get a word out of him."

"Harvey, where's Casey? What have you done?" Antonio questioned urgently.

It took a few moments but Harvey eventually looked up. "He fell," he gasped, "He fell, you've got to save him, you've got to bring him back to me!"

The police officer overheard and very quickly a water search and rescue was organised. Voight soon appeared out of the boats cabin.  "Antonio you need to see this," he said worryingly. "And get some cuffs on him," he indicated to Harvey's sobbing form.

"God…" Antonio muttered as he entered the cabin. He couldn't believe what he was seeing but it certainly explained Voight's order to arrest Harvey.

"How long do you think Casey's been in the water? The blood on deck has dried and Harvey doesn't have a cut on him… with the drugs, the temperature… this isn't going to be a rescue..." Voight shook his head, "It'll be a recovery."

Back on shore Severide was waiting impatiently. He stopped pacing when he saw the lights of the police patrol boat come into the small marina, with what he assumed was Harvey's boat being towed behind. He was still unsure who Harvey was and he didn't understand what had happened to Casey. The patrol boat stopped.

"Is he ok?" Severide questioned, assuming he was on board, but he only saw a couple of police officers with Antonio and Voight as the boat was docked. "Where is he?" he demanded.

"Kelly," Antonio began softly as he walked up to him, "He wasn't on the boat, not when we got there…"

"Where is he?" he interrupted.

"He went in the water," Antonio replied slowly, gently even, as if to soften the blow, "We're not quite sure what happened."  
  
Severide didn't say a word, he was stood still in shock of the news.  
  
"The patrol boats and coast guard are looking for… they're looking for him, but I'm not sure he'll be ok."

Severide found his voice. "What do you mean? They'll find him, right?"

"It's too late Kelly," Antonio replied. "The water is below zero, and it's likely the drugs are still in his system given the amounts that were traced in the wine. We don't know if he was hurt, he may not have been conscious when he… when he went into the water."

"What are you saying?" Severide's voice cracked.

"We won't stop looking for him… but it might be a body we find," he explained. The average human body would become hypothermic after half an hour immersed in cold water, if he didn't have any floatation and if the drugs were still playing havoc to his system the likelihood that Casey had survived going overboard was not favourable.

Severide's attention was brought to the man being taken over to the waiting police car. "Is that him? He did this? He took Casey?" Before Antonio could reply Severide marched over yelling, "What the hell is wrong with you? You did this! This is your fault!" He lunged towards him but Antonio had followed him over and held him back.

"Kelly stop!" Antonio said as he grabbed him, "This isn't going to help!"

Severide stopped struggling and turned to face Antonio. "You're telling me you're looking for a body! This bastard…"

"Kelly calm down, we don't know what's happened," Antonio's hands remained on him.

He shook away Antonio's grip. "What if he swam? He's decent swimmer… How far away was the boat from shore? Where's the closest place he could…"

"Kelly," Antonio began softly, "We've got a helicopter looking, there are boats ready with divers, they know what to do, they know how to find someone."

"If they think they're looking for a body they're not going to be looking fast enough… it's freezing cold, if he's wet then…" he trailed off, worrying himself with his own thoughts.

"What was he wearing today?" Antonio asked.

"I… I don't even know. I've not seen him all day…" he stammered as he replied. He'd not seen Casey all day and now he didn't know if he'd ever see him again.

Knowing that Severide would be better doing something rather than sitting around waiting for news Antonio made a call, and grabbed one of the uniformed officers that had been accompanying him. "Go with Peterson, we've got some ground to cover in case the helicopter misses him."

Soon Severide was quickly clambering around a rocky beach, the current and the location of the boat made it a likely location for Casey to turn up in the vicinity, the police helicopter could be heard overhead and he could see boats on patrol in the water. It felt hopeless. If the helicopter and all its tracking and surveillance technology wasn't going to be able to find him then how would they? He kicked at one of the large stones in frustration and managed to send it flying.

"Where's the helicopter going?" Severide questioned an hour or so later.

"There's a high speed chase going on," one of the officers by Peterson replied.

"What about Casey?" he asked, worried that the helicopter was just leaving them.

"It'll come back when there aren't higher priorities…" Peterson began.

"Casey is a high priority!" he stormed off ahead, they were right though, the sun was rising, he was cold and he'd not even been in the water. The three officers continued combing the area as Severide marched off in front of them.

The sight Severide had been dreading soon appeared up ahead, partly obscured by some of the larger rocks. He broke into a run. "Casey?" he cried out, "Casey?" He threw himself down out the ground. "Oh God… Casey…"


	6. Found

Severide couldn't breathe as he shakily put two fingers to Casey's neck, he pressed down and waited, Casey's skin felt like ice. "He has a pulse… it's barely there," he called back to the three police officers, "We need an ambulance!"

Casey was lying face down amidst the rocks and sand, his right arm out stretched a little, there was a large gash on his forearm but Severide wasn't worried about that for the moment, it wasn't bleeding heavily. He moved to turn Casey onto his back. "Sorry bud," he muttered as he tried as gently as possible to roll him over to see the damage and hopefully allow him to breathe a little easier.

"God… Case…" Severide checked his pulse again, terrified his dwindling heart beat would stop any moment, he was barely breathing but Severide could feel the slight movement in his chest as he did.

There was a deep laceration above Casey's left eye and the eye itself was bruised and a little swollen. The cold had helped reduce the swelling but the wound on his arm and above his eye were still oozing blood. There were tracks leading up from the water, Severide figured that Casey had managed to crawl and pull himself along, attempting to reach help. There was a bright orange lifebelt discarded by one of the larger rocks.

"Ambo's on its way," Peterson said as he knelt down by Severide. "How is he?" he asked as he looked down at Casey's pale form, his skin was almost white, at first sight he looked dead.

Severide looked around, the ambulance wasn't going to be able to get near them. "We need to move him," he said urgently, "It'll take the EMTs longer to get down here."

"We can't…" Peterson began.

"Case?" Severide tried to wake him, rubbing on his sternum. "Case? I'm sorry bud," he muttered as he lifted him up over his shoulders. "Just hang on, ok? I'm getting you help."

Casey made no sound as Severide carried him as quickly as he could over the rocky surface; he soon reached an inlet by the road that they had previously passed. Severide was followed by Peterson, the other two officers had stayed back where Casey had been found, they would need to photograph the area.

Gently Severide lay Casey down on the ground. "What are you doing?" Peterson asked suddenly.

"These wet clothes need to come off," he replied without looking up from Casey. "Pass me your jacket."  
  
Severide stripped Casey of all the wet clothes, he was happy to find only a few more bruises beneath them, but he knew the deadly effect cold water immersion and hyperthermia could have on the body. He pulled his own coat and sweater off and wrapped Casey's upper body in them before using Petersons jacket for his lower body.   
  
"Where's that ambulance?" he questioned in annoyance. He rubbed Casey's chest. "Case. bud, Matt? Come on…" he sighed when there was still no response. Casey's pulse and breathing were getting worse by the second, there was a blue tinge beneath his nails, his skin was icy to touch. "Matt?" Severide could have sworn he saw Casey's eyes flicker open before closing once again. "Matt? Can you hear me? Open your eyes again."

Severide's face swam in front of Casey's vision but he could barely keep his eyes open, his lids felt heavy and his body felt numb. Something in the back of his mind kept telling him to move but he couldn't remember why, and on top of that he didn't have the strength to even lift a finger. He managed to pry open his eyes again, Severide was still there, he was blurry but he was there, he was talking but Casey couldn't hear him.

"Case, I need you to stay awake, the ambulance will be here soon, I can hear the sirens, just hang on, ok," Severide said, taking a gentle hold of Casey's hand. "You're going to be ok."

Severide was right and the ambulance was there soon. The paramedics jumped out and got to work immediately. "Cold water immersion?"

"Yes but he's been out of the water for… I don't know… I think it's been a while…" Severide began. "He's barely got a pulse. He opened his eyes but he…"

"We've got it from here," one of the paramedics said as he placed the backboard down on the ground. Severide didn't move. The other paramedic wrapped more layers around Casey. "Move him on three; one, two, three..."  
  
Together, with Severide, they moved Casey onto the backboard. They needed to get Casey to the hospital as quickly as possible so he could be warmed safely. Casey was placed onto the gurney, strapped on and taken into the back of the ambulance, Severide jumped in the back before the doors were slammed shut.

He watched as the paramedic slipped an oxygen mask over Casey's face. She then placed ECG electrodes onto Casey's pale chest. Hypothermia has a dangerous effect on the heart and Casey would be at high risk for a cardiac arrest if anything went wrong before his body temperature was brought back up. The paramedic then established intravenous access to save time when they arrived at the hospital.

The journey felt like it lasted a lifetime, there was nothing Severide could do, his friend was lying in front of him barely breathing and he couldn't do anything.

Casey was rushed over to the team awaiting his arrival when they got to the ER. "Sir, you need to step back, you can't come in here," a nurse warned Severide as he followed Casey. "Let us work, someone will come and find you to keep you updated, but you can't be in here." Severide reluctantly left the trauma bay and went to pace up and down the waiting room.

"Start pushing warmed saline," the ER doctor ordered, "And get me an ABG and a tox screen." The monitors blared, Casey's heart was beating irregularly. "He's having PVCs. Let's push five of Bretylium!"   
  
Casey's heart stabilised, the doctor sighed, bringing a hypothermic patient back from ventricular fibrillation was extremely unlikely and there was still a risk it could happen, even though Casey's heart had stabilised for now.

Casey was given heated humidified oxygen through the O2 mask, warmed blankets were placed over his body, there were heat lamps around the bed and his temperature was being constantly monitored along with his oxygen intake and cardiac rhythm. Whilst he was gradually warmed he was checked over for injuries, the deep lacerations were cleaned and stitched before they were covered in white gauze.

Severide was pacing the waiting room floor when Voight and Antonio appeared. "How is he?" Antonio asked, stopping Severide in his tracks.

"I don't know anything, no one has told me," Severide shook his head in frustration. "What the hell has happened?" he yelled.

"Kelly, you need to calm down…" Antonio began softly.

"Then tell me what's happened! I don't even know if Casey's still alive, he's been in there for ages!" he flung his arm out indicating to the row of trauma bays.

Voight and Antonio exchanged glances before Voight explained slowly, "We think that Harvey has been stalking Casey for at least two months…"

Shocked Severide said. "What? Casey never told me anything, he never…"

"He may not have known, Kelly," Antonio replied.

"But you think he did?" he questioned.  
  
Antonio nodded.  
  
"Why the hell didn't he tell me?"

"We don't know exactly what has gone down, we have Harvey held at the precinct," Antonio explained.

"Held? He will be arrested, right? For what he's done to Casey?" he questioned.

"We do have evidence to keep him in a cell and to interrogate him," Antonio replied.

"What evidence?" he asked ominously.

Antonio spoke carefully as he revealed the evidence they had found in the cabin of the boat. "There… there were photos of Casey at the firehouse, out and about… and in your apartment."

Severide felt sick. "What do you mean?" his voice cracked.

"Harvey's delusional, he was going on about how he and Casey…" but Antonio stopped when Voight shot him a quick look. "We'll need to question Casey, get his version of events."

"If he makes it," Severide replied grimly, he couldn't get the image of Casey's pale barely alive form out of the front of his mind.

In the trauma bay Casey was waking up, after several attempts he managed to open his eyes only to have them flicker back closed almost immediately. "Matt, can you hear me?" a voice penetrated the haze that he was wrapped in, suddenly there was a pressure on his chest and the question was repeated.

"Mmm…" he muttered in acknowledgement but his eyes remained closed.

"Matt, I need you to open your eyes for me," the doctor spoke firmly as he looked down at Casey. Eventually Casey opened his eyes, they were a little unfocused to start with. "Do you remember what happened?" he asked clearly.

"Boat..." Casey's voice was barely above the sound of a whisper.

"Do you know where you are?" the doctor asked.

He watched as Casey's eyes flickered around the room before he replied with a slur, "Hospital..."

"Good, Matt," the doctor smiled down at him, "You were hypothermic but you're going to be ok, just get some rest for now, I'll see you again later."

Antonio and Voight had left, leaving Severide alone in the waiting room. "Doc?" he questioned immediately when he recognised the man from the trauma bay.

The doctor replied. "He's going to be ok, we're still warming him at the moment and we'll need to keep him here to monitor his heart and oxygen levels. He has two lacerations that we've stitched…"

"Was he…" Severide hesitated, "The cops said there were date rape drugs in the wine… was he…"

"No," the doctor shook his head and continued, "Other than the two lacerations there are a few bruises but nothing serious."

"So he's going to be ok, right?" he questioned, "Can I see him?"

"He will be ok physically as long as there's no complication," the doctor replied, "I'll take you in to see him briefly."

Severide followed the doctor into the trauma bay where Casey was lying cocooned in layers of heated blankets. The air was noticeably warmer because of the heat lamps around the bed. The heart rate monitor was beeping quietly and regularly. Severide could see a couple of IV lines and a catheter sneaking out from under the blankets. The oxygen mask was still providing warm oxygen. Casey's left eye was partially obscured by a white gauze pad; the eye was nearly swollen shut now. He was only allowed to stay for a few minutes and he spent those minutes in silence, he didn't know what to say, he needed to understand what had happened to him.

Casey was moved to a private room once the rewarming process had been completed. He was still attached to the ECG monitor. There was a pulse oximeter on his hand now the arterial line had been removed. He was receiving glucose and fluids, during the warming process the shivering had drained Casey's energy and it needed replenishing. He had woken up blearily a few times since the doctor had first woken him, but he only managed to stay awake for a few minutes each time and his memories were hazy so he welcomed unconsciousness.

"Where is he?" Dawson questioned as soon as she found Severide.

"We can't see him," he informed her tiredly, it had nearly been eight hours since he had found Casey, he was exhausted but he didn't want to go home without seeing his friend awake.

"What? Why?" Dawson asked, "What's happened? Antonio only said that he'd been hurt, that he was hypothermic…"

"He's going to be fine," he replied, "We're not blood relatives so we're not allowed in out of visiting hours." Despite Severide's protests he had not been in to see Casey since he had been moved to a private room.

"What happened?" Dawson repeated.

"I don't know."

Annoyed at his response she began. "What do you mean you don't…"

"What are you even doing here?" he questioned, exasperated now.

"Antonio called me so…" she started to explain.

"You know what I mean," he stated.

"We're still friends," Dawson sighed, "Ending our relationship was the right thing to do."

"You make it sound like it was a mutual decision; you walked out on him," he replied.

"I'm not here to talk about it, I want to know how he is, what happened?" she repeated her earlier question.

"I don't know exactly what happened, and your brother shouldn't be telling you what he does or doesn't know," Severide replied heatedly, annoyed that her brother had called her, had she not told him she'd left him? It wouldn't surprise him if she hadn't. "Casey's not going to want you by his side when he wakes up, he didn't tell me what was happening so he sure as hell won't be telling you anything."

An hour later a nurse entered the waiting room. "Severide?" she questioned, he stood up. "Matt is asking for you."

Casey struggled to stay awake as he waited for Severide but he managed to keep his eyes open. "Hey," Severide greeted him, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," he replied tiredly, "Doctor says I'm fine."

Severide decided not to object, Casey didn't look fine at all, he was pale and now that his arms were out from under the layers of blankets he could see the hand shaped bruises and the bandage wrapped around his right forearm. "Matt," he began carefully, "What happened?"

Casey took no notice of his question. "The nurse said you've not left since I was brought in, you should go home."

"I want to stay with you," he reassured him.

"Don't want you here," Casey stated.

"Don't push me away Casey," he warned.

"I messed up," Casey's voice broke, "I want to be on my own."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" he questioned suddenly, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry," Casey muttered, he avoided Severide's eye contact, "I was dealing with it."

"I would have helped," he replied.

"Sorry… It was stupid… I thought I was handling it…" Casey stammered.

"Tell me what happened," he urged.

Casey shook his head. "I can't."

"You're going to have to tell the cops," he replied.

"I don't remember what happened," Casey said after a few moments.

"You and I both know that's a lie."

"Sev, stop," Casey breathed, he'd not met Severide's eyes the entire time he was in the room, he was embarrassed, ashamed even, and annoyed at himself for what had happened.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'll go home but I'm going to be back. I don't care what happened, not really, I just care that you're ok and I know you're not."


	7. Cough

Casey forced his eyes open, worried he'd be faced with the inner walls of the boat cabin he was relieved to see the bright hospital room, it took a few moments for him to focus. Someone had hold of his hand. Slowly he moved, the hand slipped away, he pulled the blankets up closer to his head, they must have fallen down whilst he was sleeping. The task was made much more difficult than usual, his whole body felt incredibly weak and his chest ached.

"Are you cold, baby?" - baby? - Casey frowned and looked over to his right.

"Gabby?" he questioned, the frown still played across his pale face.

"How are you feeling? Are you in any pain or anything? Do you need a drink?" she asked.

"What are... are you doing here?" he slurred.

"Antonio told me what happened," she explained with a thin smile.

"What?" he tried to hide the panic from his voice, but was still too groggy to cover up his emotions. "What do you mean he... he told you?"

"Just that you  were with some guy you knew, and got hurt…" she began. Antonio and Severide had told her very little, that he had been on a boat with someone called Harvey and he'd ended up in the water.

"What? I didn't know him… he…" he trailed off.

"What happened? Who's Harvey?" she questioned.

"Why are you here?" he countered.

"I just wanted to know what happened, Antonio barely said anything, I wanted to make sure you were ok," she explained softly, shocked at his tone.

"Well, I'm fine so you can go," he stated.

"Matt…" she began to protest.

"It's lieutenant to you," he said harshly. "You can't just come in here and call me baby."

"Fine, I'll go then, I was only trying to help," she replied, taken back by his tone.

He didn't say anything more, he watched her leave, the door slammed shut behind her, he wanted to move onto his side but his chest ached and he could still barely move his arms.

A nurse entered his room and announced, "I just need to change your bandage." She sat down by his bed and gently took his arm. "Are you still feeling nauseous?" she asked, he'd felt like he was going to throw up when he'd woken up earlier on in the day.

He shook his head. "Not anymore."

"Good," she smiled as she unravelled the white bandage that was covering the laceration on his right arm. "And this looks good too, are you in much pain?"

"Nothing I can't handle," he smiled tiredly, and his statement was true. Although the cut was deep it hurt very little, his chest and head ached a little but they didn't hurt.

"Do you feel up to getting up and out of bed?" she asked, smiling brightly. "I can get rid of this then," she indicated the catheter.

"That would be good… but I'm…" he trailed off, he felt so weak right now and he didn't want to admit it.

"You're exhausted, don't worry," she smiled, "You'll be up and about in no time at all, your body's been through a lot so don't worry so don't worry if you don't feel up getting out of bed right now."

"Sev?" Casey questioned as he woke up groggily a few hours later.

"Yeah, it's me," he replied. He'd been sitting by Casey's side for half an hour but visiting hours would be over soon. "I've brought you some things from home."

"Thanks," Casey muttered, he still felt exhausted despite having slept most of the day. "Sev… I'm sorry about earlier."

"Already forgotten," he shook his head.

Casey sighed. "Does everyone know?"

"That you're here? No… Actually I need to call Boden, let him know that you won't be on shift tomorrow," he replied.

"Did you bring my phone?" he asked and Severide pulled it out of his jacket pocket and placed it on the table by him. "Thanks. I'll call Boden, can't have you doing my jobs for me…"

"You're in hospital, you can let people do stuff for you," Severide replied.

"Dawson was here."

"I didn't…" Severide began, he didn't want Casey to think that had anything to do with him; he'd been even less inclined to talk to him.

"I know," he smiled thinly. "Does she know much? She thought I knew…" he broke off, he didn't want to say his name.

"She knows less than me, and I barely know anything," Severide replied.

"I don't want to tell anyone," he muttered.

"I know you don't, but you know you're going to have to," Severide said gently.

"I don't want anyone to know, don't want anyone to know why I'm here… I was… I… I couldn't move… I couldn't move and he…" he shook his head. "I don't want anyone to know."

"Whatever happened, Case, I'm not gonna think any differently of you, ok?" Severide tried to reassure him.

"That's a lie; you and everyone else already do. You found me, right? I think I remember that, did you find the boat too? Were you with the cops?" he questioned.

"I know about the pictures in the cabin," Severide replied, he saw no point in lying.

"I woke up and was surrounded by them," he began as he stared up at the joint between the wall and the ceiling. "I tried to get up but I just fell and then he… I'm tired, you should go, it's late," he glanced at the moonlight shining through the window.

"Case…" Severide started.

"I'm fine," he replied, he saw that Severide was about to protest, "Ok, I'm not fine, but I will be."

"That's sounds better."

The next morning he ate very little of the breakfast that was brought into his room, he had no appetite. Later on the catheter was removed so with a bit of assistance he got up and out of the bed. His whole body ached and he was incredibly weak but he managed it nevertheless.

Back in bed he asked the nurse, "When do you think I'll be discharged?"

"You'll need to eat some more, and keep it down," she indicated the barely touched food on the table, "But I'm sure it won't be too long, the doctor isn't worried about your heart anymore."

"I could have had a heart attack..." he said quietly, remembering what the doctor had told him during rounds early that morning before the ECG monitor was removed.

"The cold does crazy things to our bodies," she smiled, "But you're in the clear, you don't even need monitoring now."

He nodded. "That's…" he broke off into a short coughing fit, once he stopped his face fell, he didn't want to be kept here any longer, he wanted to get home, away from everyone's questions and prying eyes. "It's just a cough," he stated.

"Let me listen," she grabbed her stethoscope and leaned forward, "Breathe in… out… good. Cough for me… good."

He watched as she wrote down some notes on his chart. "All good?" he questioned.

"We just need to keep an eye on it," she replied. "Do you want anything before I go?"

Before Casey could reply there was a short knock at the door.

"How you doing Casey?" Antonio asked as he entered the room with Voight. "We need to ask you some questions."

"Matt?" the nurse questioned.

"It's fine, thanks." But his tone wasn't fine, despite being worried over his cough he had been relaxed before but now he was suddenly on edge. She left the room.

Casey eyed Voight with distrust. "I'll wait outside," he stated before stepping back out of the room.

"I have a question for you," Casey looked straight at Antonio once Voight had left.

"Sure, what is it?" Antonio replied with a small smile.

"Why did you tell your sister I was here?" he asked, he didn't look directly at him but he spoke harshly enough to get his anger across.

Antonio frowned. "I thought you'd want her here…"

"Why did you tell her what happened?" he questioned

"I thought…" Antonio began, shocked at Casey's reaction.

"She has nothing to do with this," he tried to refrain from yelling; he didn't want anyone running into the room wondering what was happening.

"Casey, I didn't…" he tried again.

"Get out," Casey said forcefully, "I'm not answering any of your questions."

"Casey, we need a statement from you," Antonio stated.

"Get out!" he yelled and as the door shut behind Antonio he broke into another coughing fit. In his anger he flung the cup of water off the table, sending it flying across the room.

The nurse quickly entered the room. "Matt? Are you…"

"I'm sorry," he said quickly as he looked at the now empty cup on the floor, he began to push the bed covers back. "I'll…"

"Stop, I'll do it," she replied.

He sighed. "Did everyone hear that?"

"Pretty much," she replied.

"Sorry..." he coughed.

"Don't worry about it," she smiled. "I'm going to go and get the doctor."

"What?" he frowned, still coughing

"I'm worried you're getting a chest infection and he can start you on some antibiotics," she explained.

Severide strolled into the hospital the next day. He had called Antonio during his shift to discover that Casey had kicked them out of the hospital room, and they were no further along with the investigation. He smiled at the staff as walked down the corridor to Casey's room, he was surprised when he entered and he didn't try to hide his thoughts. "You look worse than when I left you."

Casey only coughed weakly in response. All the colour that had returned to Casey's skin had gone and there was a nasal cannula providing him supplementary oxygen.

The nurse, who was replacing the empty IV bag, replied, "He had a chest x-ray yesterday afternoon, confirming pneumonia."

"He'll be all right?" he asked urgently, he saw Casey nod tiredly from the corner of his eye. "I don't care what you say, Case, you'd tell me you were gonna be fine if you hacked up a lung or something…"

"The antibiotics are working, he should feel better in a few days," she replied.

"How…" he began.

"It can be a common occurrence after hypothermia," she explained.

"But he's going to be ok?" he questioned again.

"I'll be fine," Casey muttered, "It's just a bad cold."

Severide shot him a look. "Last time I checked pneumonia isn't just a bad cold," he said pointedly.

"You need anything, Matt?" the nurse asked.  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"I'll be back in later then," she said before she left Severide alone with Casey.

"What are you doing?" Severide asked as Casey slipped off the nasal cannula and start to push the bed covers away.

"Bathroom," he stated.  
  
Severide looked around, spotted a bedpan and held it up.  
  
"No," Casey replied firmly.

"Fine, let me help you at least," Severide sighed.

Casey slowly moved the covers away and put his legs over the side of the bed; he grabbed hold of the IV pole and began to stand up. "Actually… I'm not sure I can…" he muttered in defeat when his weight nearly sagged beneath him, sending him back down to the bed.

"Here," Severide gently put Casey's arm over his shoulder and helped him back up off the bed; he stopped half way to the bathroom and waited for Casey's coughing fit to subside.

He finally made it to the bathroom but he paused. "I… I think you'll have to stay…" he murmured with embarrassment.

"Don't worry, I wasn't planning on leaving you to fall over," Severide smiled and he stood and held Casey as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "Sorted? Let's get you back to bed before you keel over."

"That was a bad idea," Casey coughed as he pulled the covers back over himself, he didn't protest as Severide straightened them out.

"It's not the worst idea you've ever had," he scoffed and a smile crept across his face, "Kicking Antonio out yesterday may not have been a wise idea, but I understand why you did it."

Casey sighed. "Everyone knows everything now anyway… might as well have answered his questions…"

"Case, no one really knows what went down," he replied.

"I am going to have to give statement to the cops, explain what happened, you should stay," Casey said tiredly, "You'll know what happened then, and I won't have to talk about it again."

"Thanks, Casey, I…"  
  
But Casey interrupted him, too worried he would fall asleep before he said what he wanted. "You're really the only person in the world that I would tell… don't think I can stay awake any longer now..." he admitted.

Severide smiled down at him. "I'll be back tomorrow." What Casey had said was true of both of them, although Severide doubted he would remember admitting it, now Shay had gone he had no one left but Casey, even if they had their moments deep down they both knew when it really mattered they'd be there for each other. They'd both been through so much since Andy had died, he didn't think anything would break them apart again.

"Thank you," Casey slurred as he drifted off to sleep.


	8. Getting Better

Casey felt as if there was a heavy weight pressing down on his whole body when he woke, his head felt as though it had been stuffed to the brim with cotton wool, but eventually he managed to force open his eyes.

"Hey," a voice greeted him softly.

It took a few moments for him to respond and when he did his mouth and lips felt raw and dry. "Hey…" Severide was smiling down at him and Casey now realised he was lying on his left hand side in the hospital room. "You look happy..." he slurred.

"I am," Severide's smile remained. "You've been really out of it for the last couple of days."

"Couple?" he repeated tiredly.

"You've been here four days now," Severide told him.

"Oh…" he frowned. "Don't remember..." he was already struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Other than lots of coughing, some vomiting and a very high fever, you missed nothing," Severide replied.

"Glad I don't remember then," he slurred. "Harvey?"

"You don't need to worry about him," Severide replied. He hoped Casey's incapacitated state would stop him from thinking about the matter any further for the time being; right now he just needed to get better. He watched as Casey looked down at his hand. Where there had previously been a small clear piece of tape securing the IV port there was now a thick white bandage fortifying it. "You kept trying to pull it out," Severide explained.

"Oh… You stayed by my bedside this whole time then?" he grinned lopsidedly as he mocked Severide.

"Oh, I have much better things to do than sit by your sorry ass for two days." Severide would never admit to being in this room every moment he was allowed during his downtime, he couldn't lose the only person left in the world that he was close to.

Casey was already struggling to keep his eyes open never mind stay focused.

Severide smiled. "You don't need to stay awake on my behalf, get some more rest, you need it," he watched as Casey let his eyes shut, "I'll be here when you wake up."

Casey had spoken nothing about Harvey over the last two days, when he'd been sitting by his side and he was delirious in fever he wondered if there were nightmares about the man going on inside his friends head, but every word that had slipped from his lips had been inaudible. He wondered more and more about Casey's mental state as his physical wounds healed, he still needed supplementary oxygen and fluids but his temperature was only a little higher than it should be now. He was finally on the mend.

"Can I have some?" Casey slurred. He'd been awake for a few minutes, his eyes barely open, he was lying on his back with his head slightly tilted to the right. He'd been silently watching Severide eat what he assumed was his lunch, he'd completely lost track of the time, all he could remember was that he'd been here four days, or maybe it was five now, he didn't know how long he had slept.

"Huh?" Severide was surprised to hear Casey's voice; it was barely above a whisper.

"I'm starving," he coughed.

"Oh, right," Severide grinned, "Of course, here." He went to pass Casey the other half of the sandwich.

Casey tried to push himself up, he sighed. "I have about as much strength as… as something with no strength…"

Severide snorted. "Sorry… You can't come up with anything better than that?" His laugh subsided.

"You can't laugh at me, I'm sick," he replied miserably, pouting a little.

"You're sick and _still_ out of it." Severide smiled because although Casey still looked incredibly sick, his skin tone was only a shade above the white of the hospital sheets and his left eye was now heavily bruised, he was glad he now was talking and attempting to sit up.

"Not out of it..." he mumbled.

Severide grinned. "Bet you'd answer anything right now."

"That would be taking advantage of me. I wouldn't do that to you. Now give me the sandwich. I'm starving."

"You're sulking," Severide's grin remained wide.

"I'm sick," he coughed again, it would have been funny if it had been done for effect but Severide knew it hadn't been.

"Yeah, yeah you really are," Severide replied. His grin faded when he saw a darkness sweep over his friends face. "Casey?"

"I… I just forgot for a moment," he replied quietly, he was distant now. The reason he was here had flooded back to him.

"Oh… you wanna talk about it?" Severide questioned a little hesitantly.

"No, I'm good," he forced a smile

"Sandwich?" Severide offered the rest of his food again.

"Probably shouldn't." He couldn't remember throwing up but Severide had mentioned it earlier.

The mood in the room had flipped like a switch, Casey had been open and honest and now he was distant, he had closed himself off. "Are you warm enough? Comfortable?" Severide asked to help ease the tension he felt, he was worried at how the memories of what had taken place had changed Casey's mood so suddenly, he understood it but that didn't mean it didn't worry him.

"When can I go home?" he asked.

"When can you go home? You had a fever of 104 less than twenty-four hours ago… You think you can get out of bed and go home?"

Casey sighed, he knew the catheter was back for a reason and the fact that he could barely lift his hand off the covers to reach for the sandwich only proved Severide's point.

Sensing Casey's reasons for wanting to go home Severide added, "Whether you're here or at home the cops are still going to want a statement."

"Yeah… I know…" he replied glumly before panic struck him. "They still have him, right? Don't they have to let people go if they have nothing on them? Don't… whoa… I'm tired…" He trailed off momentarily as a wave of dizziness hit him, he couldn't help but wonder how long it would take him to feel normal again if a rush of thoughts alone created dizziness. "Don't they need evidence to hold criminals… What do they…"

"Hey, hey, Case… calm down, ok?" Severide saw his friends rising distress and wanted to quell it as quickly as possible. "I'll explain everything I know, which isn't much, but it's something, all right? They have photos, lots of photos, taken by Harvey, that's enough to have him charged with… with stalking," he explained, he could still hardly believe what had been happening to Casey, he still wished he'd trusted him enough to tell him, he continued with bated breath. "They also got him a psych evaluation, the man's delusional…" he frowned and questioned softly, "… but you know that?"

Casey looked away, he bit his lip unconsciously and nodded slowly. "You found me?" He was still looking away from Severide, concentrating on the door handle on the left hand side of the room.

"Yeah," Severide nodded, Casey had asked him before, and he doubted he remembered much of his rescue.

"You…" he began with hesitancy, "You saw what I was wearing?"

"They weren't your clothes," Severide stated, he'd already mentioned this to the police, he'd known straight away that Casey wouldn't have ever chosen those clothes, that they weren't his own. "He dressed you?"

Slowly Casey nodded.

"And you were awake whilst it happened?"

Casey turned his head towards him and nodded, still biting his lip and holding back tears. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't be so upset, a lot worse has happened to other people… but I… I thought he was… I thought he was going to… he would have done… he would have done it if I hadn't jumped…"

"You did good, Case, you got out of there, you did good," Severide reassured him.

He shook his head. "I'm bigger than him, stronger, faster… but I… I couldn't do anything else to get away…" he frowned, "I'd rather had drowned than…"

"Matt, you were drugged, the amount of da… sedatives he used would have been enough knock out a horse I think," he smiled faintly, trying to assure him that there was nothing else he could have done. "Look, it sounds like you did really well to get out of a shitty situation, that man was delusional, _is_ delusional. I think under the circumstances you did well… I mean, everyone thought they'd find a dead body, no one thought you'd have survived with the drugs, the water, the cold, the blood loss…" Severide trailed off as he realised Casey had fallen fast asleep; he hoped he had taken his words on board before he'd drifted off.

"You're still here?" Casey questioned when he woke up blearily to find Severide still slouched on the chair in the corner of the room.

Severide smiled and glanced down at his watch. "That's because you've only been asleep for twenty minutes."

"Oh…"

"You want anything?" Severide asked.

"I'm good," he replied.

Severide nodded. "I did bring your laptop, and the book that was on your bedside table since I won't be here to entertain you when you grace us all with your consciousness."

"You're working tomorrow?" he asked.

Severide confirmed.

"What does everyone know? What did you tell them?"

"You were in an accident and you have pneumonia; a simplified version of the truth," Severide replied. "They all send their best wishes, they wanted to come and visit but I said you'd end up infecting them ,and then Boden would have to replace the whole of second watch and you'd be entirely to blame… or something along those lines," he teased.

Casey cracked a smile. "Thanks… "

When he woke up blearily the next day there was a nurse in his room. "Morning, Matt, it's just after seven and Kelly asked me to remind you that he's working today but he'll pop by if he gets chance," she smiled, Casey was only half awake. "Up for some breakfast this morning?"

"I am hungry," he admitted tiredly, he'd barely eaten anything since he'd been admitted, he didn't feel nauseous but he hadn't wanted to risk it but he needed the energy and he knew once he was eating and moving he'd be discharged fairly swiftly.

"I'm not surprised," she replied. "It'll be served in about an hour or so, not long after your doctor has seen you."

He nodded in acknowledgement and used the bed controls to sit himself up so he was more upright, the water cup by him was empty but when he went to pick up the jug he couldn't even lift it off the table.

"Here, I've got it," she smiled and poured a fresh cup of water for him.

Casey managed to stay awake to see his doctor enter nearly half an hour later. "Hi Matt, it's nice to see you awake, how are you feeling?" he asked as he picked up the chart, "Everything's looking much better, you're O2 stats have improved and you're temperature's within normal range."

"I'm tired but I'm all right I guess… Does that mean I can get out of here soon?" he asked hopefully.

"Hopefully I'll be able to discharge you within the next couple of days, but you won't be cleared to work straight away. And I don't know if anyone's mentioned it to you but you'll need a psych evaluation before I sign the discharge papers," the doctor explained.

"What? Why?" he asked urgently.

The doctor looked up from making a note on his chart. "It's just standard procedure."

"Standard procedure for what?" 

"You were drugged by a man who was stalking you," the doctor stated impassively.

It was odd to hear the words spoken out loud, the whole situation still felt unreal. "I'm fine."

The doctor nodded uninterestingly. "It's just a box that needs to be ticked."

"When?" he asked.

"Possibly tomorrow but the departments swamped at the moment," the doctor replied. "Do you have any other questions?"

Casey shook his head and the doctor hurried off to complete the rest of his rounds.

He fell asleep not long after eating part of his breakfast but soon woke up in the midst of a panic, there was someone touching him, he couldn't move, he cracked open his eyes afraid to find Harvey stood over him taking off his clothes. He was in the hospital, it wasn't Harvey, he repeated to himself. He confirmed this when he eventually opened his eyes. This was the second time he'd been conscious during a sponge bath. It was embarrassing but he conceded that it was necessary; he couldn't even sit up without the aid of the bed never mind walk to the bathroom. He just wanted to get home though. 

"What's in the bag?" Casey smiled as Severide entered his room at lunchtime the next day, he'd not been awake for long, he'd fallen asleep soon after breakfast.

"You don't see me for more than twenty-four hours and that's how you greet me?" he mocked. "These are homemade pancakes, courtesy of Cindy," he opened up the bag to reveal a large Tupperware container filled with fruit pancakes. "There's even a little pot of syrup."

"Think I'll skip the syrup," Casey replied and picked up a fork.

Severide watched as Casey struggled to keep a tight enough grip on the fork to use it effectively. "I think it's time to give up and just use your hand," he said softly but Casey's happiness at the prospect of homemade pancakes had quickly faded away. "Hey, it's all right, you'll feel better in no time."

"Yeah…" Casey replied but he didn't seem to believe it. Severide didn't know that his future session with a psychiatrist was also playing on his mind, and he knew that soon the police would need his statement; neither thought put him in a positive frame of mind especially when he had next to zero strength right now.

"You still not got back out of bed yet?" he asked, he'd hoped that Casey would have got up yesterday but it didn't look like that was the case, he could still see the catheter bag by the side of the bed.

"I can barely sit up," Casey admitted, "… I hate being sick."

He scoffed. "Don't think anyone likes it."

"But this was my fault," Casey sighed. "Should have told someone… I should have told you."

"I knew there something bothering you but I didn't press the matter," he shrugged, "I knew you wouldn't tell me so I didn't bother."

"Sorry," Casey muttered, "I'm…"

"Terrible at communicating your problems, yeah, I know," he finished for him.

"You can blame my parents," Casey smiled tiredly.

"Oh, don't worry, I do," he grinned.

Before Casey could respond there was a knock at the door and two men entered. "Matt Casey?"

"Yeah," Casey confirmed, he caught a glimpse of a police badge on the man's belt.

"I'm Detective Wheeler and this is Officer Maddens, we're here to take your statement, from my understanding you're competent to give it to us now you no longer have a fever," the man stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah…" he sighed and spoke monotonously, "Let's just get it over and done with then."


	9. The Boat

"All right if I stay?" Severide asked the detective.

"As long as it's…" Wheeler began.

"It's fine with me," Casey replied, he tried to hold back a cough unsuccessfully.

"Ok then. We need to video this," Detective Wheeler explained as Maddens set up the small camera.

"Yeah 'cause there's not enough footage already..." he muttered darkly.

"We can just use a dictator phone if you'd really prefer that but…" Wheeler began.

"Whatever," he dismissed uncharacteristically, his eyes downcast.

"Can we just have a moment, please?" Severide suggested.

The detective nodded.

"Thanks." He waited until the door closed behind them and he sighed, "Case, look, I know you don't want to do this but you have to. I know that's easy for me to say, but if you don't do this then this guy could get away with what he did to you!"

"He didn't do anything to me," he stated softly, eyes still avoiding Severide's.

"Casey he put you in the hospital," Severide tried hard not to raise his voice in frustration.

"No I did that to myself," he replied quietly, "It was probably just a misunder…"

"That man drugged you and… and dressed you. I don't think it was _just_ a misunderstanding," Severide said, "He planned to take you and if… if you'd not got away he could have…"

He sighed heavily and moved to look straight at Severide. "A few days before it happened I followed him. I followed him and threatened him."

"Your hand?" Severide questioned knowingly.  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Just tell the cops everything, ok? You were just trying to sort the problem out yourself, it's understandable."  
  
After a quick nod from Casey he stood up and opened the door allowing Wheeler and Maddens back inside.

"Sorry about that," Casey said. This time he did his best to make eye contact although it was clear he was still uncomfortable with the situation, lying weak and exposed on the hospital bed only added to his anxiety, he did not relish the idea of recalling everything that had happened, effectively reliving the events that took place six days ago.

"I understand," Wheeler replied with well-rehearsed sympathy.  
  
Casey wondered how many times the man interviewed victims in this very hospital. He hated to label himself as a victim, it felt unnatural; he was the rescuer, the helper, the leader, the strong one, or at least that's what he was supposed to be.  
  
"Do you have any questions?" Wheeler asked.

Casey shook his head but Severide spoke up. "I have one. Harvey's been charged with stalking, right? That's just a year in county or a fine?" he questioned incredulously.

"Stalking is a misdemeanour but he's been charged with stalking and kidnapping, that's a felony with a max sentence of twenty years, so the more evidence we gather against him the better," Wheeler explained.

"That sounds better," Severide stated.

"Ok, I want to start off with some basic questions, when did you first meet Harvey?" Wheeler questioned after he switched the video camera on.

"Meet him?" Casey frowned. "I didn't really know him. He was a victim, apartment fire, we have the reports from…"

"We have the report," Maddens supplied.

"Oh, well, you'll know I pulled him out of the building, handed him over to 61, I remember the call but I don't really remember his face," he explained, "It was only after that I really met him, I suppose."

"And how did that happened? Who contacted who?" Wheeler questioned.

Shocked at the questions he replied. "What? I didn't contact him. I didn't even know his name… What are you trying to…"

"I just want an accurate picture," Wheeler replied.

"An accurate picture?" he bit back a yell. "The man was following me around! He was sending me…" he hesitated, "He was sending me notes and flowers."

Wheeler turned the video camera off. "We need to do this properly, Lieutenant, some of the questions may come across like…"

"Like you're trying to blame him?" Severide spoke heatedly. 

"Sev…" he breathed, "Its fine." His gaze left Severide, "Sorry detective, I'm tired and…"

"We'll try and get this done as quickly as possible," Wheeler replied before flipping the record switch back on the camera. "How did you come into contact with him after the apartment fire?"

"He came to the firehouse to say thank you," he replied, "It happens a lot, it didn't seem out of the ordinary, the gift was a little different compared to usual though."

"The gift?" Wheeler asked.

"Flowers," he replied.

"I remember that day," Severide joined in. "Flowers stand out as a thank you, we normally get food, cards, occasionally flowers from mothers and… It was a little odd giving flowers to the whole house."

"They weren't for the whole house," Casey said. "A note had fallen from them, the flowers were for me…" he admitted.

"Do you still have that note?" Wheeler questioned.

"I don't know… It was months ago…" he replied, he knew he'd likely thrown it away, he wouldn't have kept it.

Wheeler nodded. "Ok, when did you next have contact with him?"

"Erm… a few days after, maybe." It took a few moments to remember the encounter. "I'm really not sure when but it was at Molly's. He didn't really say anything but he left a note in my quarters once. I remember because… because it felt like I was being watched in the locker room just before, it said something like 'looking forward to seeing you again' but I just tried to ignore it…" he frowned. "He was there wasn't he? In the locker room? I thought I was just being paranoid but there's photos, isn't there?" He'd never gotten a proper look at the photos that had surrounded him when he woke up in the cabin, partly because he was struggling to stay conscious and partly because he hadn't wanted to see them.  
  
Wheeler simply nodded.  
  
"He was at the apartment too? Taking photos?"  
  
Again Wheeler nodded.  
  
"In a red top?"

"I'm not…" Wheeler began.

"He called me and told me that I looked good in red," he stated, he shook away the memory. "I blocked his number."

Casey asked for a minute alone after recalling all he could about his encounters with Harvey. Severide re-entered his room first. "You holding up?"

He smiled thinly. "Just needed a breather, I'm all right."

"You look exhausted… and kinda like your gonna hurl," Severide said honestly, a small smile played across his face in the hopes of improving the mood in the room.

"I'll be all right," he replied just as Wheeler and Maddens came back into the room.

"You're sure you're ok to continue?" Wheeler asked as he and Maddens sat back down.  
  
Casey nodded.  
  
"Ok then. The night that Harvey took you to his boat; what do you remember?"

"I got home and just crashed, I'd been out all day. I had a voicemail for Kelly but I didn't reply. I poured a glass of wine and sat on the couch… that's the last _clear_ memory that I have. I do remember what happened when I woke up on the boat, but it's hazy," he admitted.

Wheeler nodded. "Let's just go back to the apartment for a moment. Did you notice anything out of place? Was the door unlocked or…"

"There was nothing out of the ordinary," he replied, he would have noticed if there was.

"The wine?" Wheeler questioned

"I didn't open the bottle, assumed Severide had, it's not unusual." He cast his eyes down away from the others in the room.

"Ok," Wheeler replied. "Let's get to the boat, do you remember anything between passing out in your apartment to waking up on the boat?"

"No," he shook his head.

_Six Days Previously_

Casey pushed through the veil of sleep. He was lying on his left hand side completely unaware of his surroundings as he woke groggily. He cracked open his eyes momentarily and a few more moments passed before he opened them once again. He was lying on a bed, the sheets were white. He frowned. His bed covers weren't white. The thought quickly slipped out his mind as quickly as he succumbed to the sleep that had been calling his name since he'd first opened his eyes.   
  
The next time he woke he felt just as heavy and disoriented as the previous time, only now he managed to roll over but that simple act used up all his strength and he promptly lost his grip on reality once more. Through half lidded eyes Casey attempted to make sense of his surroundings but his thoughts seemed nearly as slow as his body; he could barely move. He didn't know how much time passed before he managed to push himself upright, the concept of time was oblivious to him as was his location. He nearly slumped back down to the bed, but his determination finally won over and he looked around the small room he was in. His heart stopped, his vision had finally focused, no, he thought, this wasn't right. Realisation soon dawned on him; this was not a good situation at all. His glazed eyes glanced over the pictures on the walls. Pictures of him. He could barely breathe by the time he pushed himself up off the bed. His legs crumpled before they even took the weight of his body and he fell down to the floor.

There was something sticky on his chin the next time he woke from unconsciousness. Slowly he pushed himself up onto his elbows, the door to the room was in sight, he just needed to get to the door. He had tried calling out for someone but no sound left his mouth. He barely made it to onto his hands and knees before his body gave out on him once again. He didn't understand why he couldn't move, why his limbs felt like lead and his head was buzzing.

Before Casey had chance to struggle and lift himself up once again the door opened with a bang. "What have you done?" a voice yelled, in the back of his mind he recognised it vaguely. "You're not well, you need to be in bed," the voice was closer now, kneeling down in front of him. "Eugh… you've made a mess."

He blacked out.

When he forced is eyes back open he realised he was no longer on the floor, he was back on the bed and there was a familiar face staring beadily down at him. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Harvey?" Casey slurred, his tongue felt as heavy as his limbs.  "What have you…" but his words trailed off, they were barely audible anyway.

"You need to change, Matt, your top is dirty," Harvey stated.

He shook his head slowly in protest and tried to repeat his earlier question. "What have…" he swallowed deeply, "What have you done to… to me?"

"You're sick," Harvey replied just before he leant over and swiftly yanked Casey's sweater and top off in one move. It had a nauseating effect on him and he struggled to stop his stomach rebelling.

"No…" he slurred.   
  
He felt a cold hand on his hip, slipping two fingers underneath the waistband, almost teasingly. Harvey was staring down at him, mesmerised, but he easily swotted away Casey's arm when he attempted to stop him from going any further. He tried to stop Harvey from unfastening the button and pulling down the zip of his jeans, but his attempt was once again battered away with a lot less struggle than the act of moving his arm.  
  
"Stop… stop…" he muttered, almost breathless with the effort, but Harvey took no notice of his protests and his jeans were slipped down slowly to his ankles, his trainers were pulled away. The jeans were quickly whisked off, taking his socks with them, and dumped onto the floor. Casey knew what would be coming next, he tried to move, he tried to shuffle backwards, but he couldn't even lift himself up on to his elbows. "Harvey… stop…"

"Shh…" Harvey soothed. "Its ok, Matt, I'd never hurt you."  
  
Casey was trembling unconsciously now, he turned his head to the left, he couldn't bear to look at Harvey's face, the man was delighted and his eyes glinted with fervour. Harvey's hands were no warmer than before, each gently cupped either side of his hips. He stopped, he looked up to Casey's face, who had his eyes scrunched up and his head turned away, he leant over to wipe a stray tear from his cheek. The skin was soft. Harvey hadn't expected it to be so soft, not with his profession, in fact his skin was soft all over and that thought distracted him from Casey's tears and his hands returned to his hips.

"Don't…" Casey protested weakly as he felt fingers slip under his boxers, they were steadily pulled down as if to savour the memory. Casey kept his eyes shut tight the entire time

Harvey frowned, confused and upset. "Not pleased to see me… later maybe, dinner will be ready soon, you need to get dressed. I bought you gifts." He reached for a store bag. "I'll help you put them on."   
  
But Casey couldn't move to put the clothes on. he lay still with his eyes closed to the world as Harvey dressed him, it couldn't have been an easy task, he was dead weight. Casey didn't manage to stay awake for the entire process and he was thankful of that.

Whatever Harvey had given him was slowly wearing off, the next time he opened his eyes it didn't take quite slow long for them to obey his commands and it didn't take quite so long to take in his surroundings. He was no longer lying on a bed with white sheets surrounded by photos of himself. There was a cold breeze and his shoulders ached, little did he know that Harvey had dragged him off the bed. It was darker than before and he soon realised there were stars twinkling above him, he was outside. He moved forwards slowly so that he was now sitting straight rather than slouched back. His limbs didn't feel so heavy and his head felt slightly clearer. He looked around, he would have muttered a shocked surprise if his mouth had responded quickly to his brain. He was on a small boat surrounded by the lake.

"You're awake," Harvey smiled. "Good, dinner is ready. I'll help you to the table."

"No," he replied firmly. "I don't need your help."

"Do you feel better? I'm glad," Harvey beamed. "You were really sick. I was worried."

"You gave me something," he said, a little quieter than before, he could feel himself already losing a battle to exhaustion, "You drugged me."

"Come on, you'll feel better when you've eaten," Harvey encouraged.

"No," he said, determined. "Harvey, I don't know who you think I am but…"

"I know who you are," Harvey smiled serenely, "You're Matthew, and you're mine. Did I tell you how pretty you look under the stars?"

"Harvey…" A wave of dizziness hit him as he tried to remain upright. "Harvey... where are we?"

"In the best spot to look at the shoreline. It's a lovely view, isn't it?" Harvey asked as he admired the lights from afar.

Casey took a deep breath, it was time for a different tactic, the only other tactic he could think of as he still didn't think he'd be able to stand up let alone take the man down. "I'm cold," he began. "And I'm not well, I'd much rather have dinner at home. Please, Harvey, take me home."

"No, no, no..." Harvey panicked and began to pace the deck, "No, no… I've planned dinner. We're having it here. It's perfect. You're perfect."

He was struggling get the words to his lips once again, whatever Harvey had given was still affecting him. "After… after you'll take me home?"

Harvey's face dropped. "You're mine. You're staying with me."

"I'm not yours!" His chest heaved with the effort to raise his voice.   
  
Suddenly Harvey grabbed his wrist and pulled him forwards, unbalanced, Casey tumbled to the floor, his left wrist still tightly held. He was dragged along behind Harvey. He used all the strength he had to twist out of the man's grip, but he had little strength and failed at the task.   
  
"Stop!" he called out. He fell to the floor in surprise, Harvey had let go of his wrist, it was unexpected but he was relieved.

"You need to sit down and have dinner, come on," Harvey insisted.  
  
Casey stayed still, he'd managed to push himself onto his knees.  
  
"Do you want it to get cold? It's your favourite meal, you'll love it I promise. You'll feel much better afterwards, you will."

A thought occurred to him, going to the table was a good idea, there'd be cutlery, there'd be knives, he may not have much strength but he could threaten Harvey to take the boat back to shore. He took a deep breath and forced a smile. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'd love to have dinner." And he allowed Harvey to help him over to the small table at the back of the boat.

"You look lovely tonight, Matt, you look amazing in red," Harvey smiled. "We should wash your hair after dinner, you'll look even prettier."   
  
Casey nodded shudderingly, he couldn't bring himself to keep up his act and provide a pleasing response.   
  
Harvey grinned. "Eat, please," he indicated the spread of food in front of them.

Casey picked up the knife and fork, he needed the right opportunity, he needed the strength to stand up but he wasn't convinced his legs would be up to the task any time soon. He took a small bite of food and forced it down, he could hardly swallow it with the anxiousness he felt. "It's lovely, thank you," he spoke quietly, he felt sick and it wasn't from the drugs or the food. He looked down and saw that his hands were trembling, since when could someone scare him like this, he already felt ashamed. "Could I have something else to drink? Water maybe?" he asked as he eyed the wine glass.

"I have beer, juice…" Harvey began to reel off.

"Water's fine," he replied. He let out a breath of air he hadn't realised he'd been holding when Harvey stood up and went down to the cabin. Very unsteadily Casey got to his feet, he held tightly onto the table for support, a small steak knife in his hand, it wasn't the most threatening knife in the world but it was better than nothing. He wasn't fast enough to make it down to the cabin to surprise Harvey, besides, he doubted his stumbling and fumbling would have been covert, instead he stood on shaky legs by the entrance. As soon as the door opened he spoke as firmly as he could. "Harvey, take the boat back to shore."

"Matt…" Harvey started softly. "What are you doing?"

"Take the boat back to shore now," he repeated. The firmness had already dropped from his tone, he felt like his legs were about to give way.

"I can't do that," Harvey's eyes lost their sereneness, he glared at the knife trembling in Casey's hand. "You won't hurt me."

"You know from experience that I will," he stated. "Now, take…"  
  
Casey never had chance to finish his sentence, he was suddenly flying across the boat deck, only stopping when his head hit the table. His vision blurred and his head throbbed, the knife had fallen from his grip. Slowly he struggled to push himself up onto his hands and knees. Harvey walked towards him, picking up the knife on his way, he was about to kneel down by Casey when he was pushed backwards. Casey's weight served him well in the absence of strength and Harvey crumpled beneath him. Harvey struggled, Casey didn't have the strength to hold him down, and there was a sharp pain on his arm and a rush of warmth.

"Oh God…" Harvey muttered staring down at Casey's arm, his gaze then wondered up to his head. Casey was squinting beneath the blood that was thickly dripping down his face. "You're bleeding. Don't move. I'll get the first aid kit." Harvey was panicking but his movements were all a blur to Casey.

Casey heard Harvey's footsteps disappear, he glanced around blearily looking for an escape but there was no escape, he was stuck on the boat with no power to take Harvey down. A flash of orange appeared in his eye line as his head rushed around. He looked back at the life ring. He couldn't think of anything else to do. He wasn't an Olympic swimmer but he could swim. He grabbed onto the side of the boat and pulled himself up, life ring over his arm, he stared out over the water, he could see the lights of the shoreline. He knew the distance was probably deceptive and that the water would be cold, but what choice did he have now? Harvey's footsteps came back into earshot, if he stayed he dreaded to think what would happen, but he also knew he'd be risking his life if he jumped overboard.

"Matt, darling, what are you doing?" Harvey asked sweetly.

His decision was made. He turned and caught one last glance of Harvey before jumping overboard. The water took his breath away. He couldn't hear Harvey calling frantically to him. The thick blood had washed away but the steady ooze now swirled around him in the water, he'd not thought about his wounds, he'd not thought about anything other than the desperate need to get as far away from Harvey as possible. He pushed himself along, he tried to keep his eye on the brightest light he could see to help him stay straight, but his focus was draining quickly. Every so often he'd black out and almost slip from the life ring but managed to keep hold. He managed to get to the shoreline. He had no idea how much time had passed, he could barely feel anything, his chest ached fiercely but his vision had been clearer now since he'd hit his head on the boat. If he were thinking clearly he'd be worried about another concussion, however it was the last thing on his mind.

Casey realised he must have lost consciousness. When he came to he was half in and half out of the water. He was shivering violently. He knew he needed to get dry, he needed to move, he needed to get help. Although his vision had cleared he couldn't focus, he didn't understand where he was he just knew that he needed to move away from the water. Eventually he pushed himself up. He dragged himself forwards but soon collapsed back down onto the rocky sandy surface.

When he next cracked open his eyes it took all the willpower he had to scramble further away from the water. If he could just get off the beach he could find help, but once again he barely managed to move a foot before his arms gave out and his face hit the sand. Blood trickled steadily from his head wound and oozed out of the gash on his arm, but he was no longer worried.


	10. Ashamed

_Present Day_

"Case?" Severide was looking at him full of concern.

"Sorry… what?" he was frowning. It was not only Severide looking at him but the two others in the room as well, he felt self-conscious lying there in just the hospital gown, only covered by a white sheet and a couple of blankets.

"What happened on the boat?" Wheeler questioned.

"Like I said, it's all just hazy…" he coughed weakly.

"You don't remember?" Wheeler asked, an eyebrow rose in question.

"I…" he hesitated. He didn't want anyone to know, he didn't want them to know the situation he'd ended up in. He didn't want them know how he had tried to go along with what Harvey was saying, in the hopes that he would turn the boat around. He didn't want to explain the lust he saw in Harvey's eyes, how the man had slowly undressed him and how he was scared, petrified even, that Harvey was going to do so much more than just stare down at his naked body.

"Matt?" Severide questioned, he knew Casey hadn't forgotten what had happened with Harvey on the boat, the memories may have been hazy but he could remember.

"Do you remember how you hurt you head? Your arm?" Wheeler asked.

Severide was staring at him, he looked away and sighed. "Yes," he nodded regretfully. He heard Severide let out a deep breath in relief, glad he was talking, they needed all they could to lock Harvey away, to keep him from Casey.

"Go on…" Wheeler urged.

After explaining how he'd received his injuries in a scuffle and ended up jumping overboard he stopped. He spoke honestly, "I don't remember much once I entered the water."

"Why did you jump? It doesn't seem like the wisest…" the detective began.

"It wasn't the wisest idea but it was the best I had," he replied, "I just needed to get away, I didn't have any other option."

"Why? What did Harvey say to you?" Wheeler questioned.

"He… he didn't say anything..." He broke into a coughing fit, prompting Severide to offer the cup of water which he weakly accepted, once he was sure he wouldn't send it flying with the near violent movements his cough produced.

"What made you jump?" Wheeler asked again once it was clear Casey had recovered.

"He'd hurt me, and I thought he was going to… and I was worried what he would do if I couldn't get away," he replied quietly, wishing he was anywhere but here right now. "I couldn't defend myself, I could barely move and I know trying to swim to shore was a stupid idea but I was…" – I was scared – he nearly admitted. "It was a stupid idea but it worked, I was lucky."

"Your clothes were found on the boat," Wheeler stated, "The clothes you had on were new, the tags and a store bag were discovered, why did you change?"

"I didn't," he replied, worried at the insinuation the detective made, "I just woke up in them."

"Matt…" Severide began to protest.

"I just woke up in them," he repeated a little louder this time.

"Ok," Wheeler nodded. "I don't have any more questions, but is there anything else you can remember?"

"No, sorry," he replied. "The doctor said the drugs he gave me, they can affect memory."

"We know," Wheeler said, "And we have the tox screen for evidence of that. Ok, I think we're done then." Maddens turned the camera off and started to pack it up. "Your answers will get written up and you'll need to sign them but we'll contact you about that," Wheeler explained.

Just as the door closed behind the detective and the police officer Severide turned to him. "You don't remember much?" he questioned dubiously.

Casey looked down, he concentrated on the patient ID band around his wrist. "They didn't need to know anything else," he said almost inaudibly. All the talking, thinking, had taken away what little energy he had, and he knew he that soon his barrier would break and he really didn't want anyone near at that time.

"Telling them what Harvey said would…" Severide hesitated and decided to drop the subject, "You still look like you're going to throw up." When Casey didn't respond he passed him the emesis basin from the table. "Do you want some water?" he asked.

Casey shook his head slowly. "I'm not going to be sick." The basin fell from his hand. "I am tired though," he hinted.

"Oh, oh, ok... do you want me to go then?"

"Please," Casey replied breathlessly.

Severide left without another word.

Casey let out a shuddering breath and felt streaks of warm tears flow down his cheeks.

Suddenly the door flung back open. "Case, I… Matt…" Severide walked straight over to the bed, pulled the side down, sat down and gently took hold of Casey's shoulders pulling him into a light embrace, neither of them said anything, Severide could feel Casey's almost silent tears creating a wet patch on his shirt and soon he felt his tense form relax into his grip. "It's going to be ok, Case, it's going to be ok."

Soon Casey pushed himself back away from Severide. "Sorry..." he muttered, tear tracks stained his pale face. "Your shirt's wet," he noted with distress.

"It'll dry," Severide smiled. "You're exhausted. Are you comfortable? Do you need more blankets or pillows or…"

"I'm fine," he replied.

"I'll dim the lights, you should get some sleep, you've not been awake this long for days. Some sleep will do you some good," Severide smiled encouragingly.

Once Casey was asleep Severide stepped out of the room and leant back onto the wall. He let out a deep breath. He had wanted to go after the detective, he had hated his accusatory tone and put-on sympathy, he had wanted to walk straight out of the room after the man but he was worried about Casey, worried that he hadn't admitted remembering how Harvey had undressed him. Of course he understood and he shouldn't be surprised, his guard had been down when he had told Severide, but that didn't mean he wasn't disappointed, although he was sure the police would have enough evidence to put the man behind bars. After all, Casey had been drugged and the man was delusional.

When Casey woke up he felt as if a great weight was pressing down on him, he smiled inwardly thinking that Severide had managed to find even more blankets even though he insisted he wasn't cold, but he opened his eyes he realised there was not an inordinate amount of hospital issue blankets weighing him down. His eyes travelled round the room and he discovered Severide slouched, fast asleep and snoring, on the chair in the far corner. He wondered what the time was, the lights were dimmed and the blinds shut.

"Hey..." he greeted when he saw Severide wake, all the talking earlier had reduced his voice back to a near whisper like sound, he didn't know how much time had passed but he was content to ignore reality for now.

"Hey," Severide stretched as he repeated the gesture. "How you doing?"

"I'm fine," he replied, he was determined never to repeat or even mention his tearful breakdown after the police had left. "I'm not the one who slept in a chair."

"Yeah," Severide smiled. "My back is not going to thank me for that."

"You didn't need to stay," he muttered.

Severide looked down at his wrist watch. "It's only been a few hours. And I know, but I thought…"

"I'm all right, I feel better," he replied insistently.

"You feel better? You still look…" Severide nearly hesitated but decided the truth wouldn't do any harm. "You still look sick and you really need to shave."

He smiled, the mere act of consciousness was still exhausting. "I am sick," he tried not to sound as miserable as he felt, "And I told them not to, nothing wrong with not shaving."

"You always shave," Severide stated.

He changed the subject. "Are you on shift tomorrow?"

"No," Severide shook his head, "I was yesterday."

"Right, sorry, being here is…" he coughed and spluttered.

"Disorientating, yeah," Severide nodded. "Hey, you wanna get up? Walk to the bathroom and back?"

He shook his head, Severide hadn't been expecting that, he thought he'd want to be up and about as soon as possible so he could be discharged. "I can barely lift my head off the pillow, I don't think getting out of bed is a good idea."

"Your nurse said you could, and should if you wanted to," Severide made a curt nod to the door, behind which the nurse station was situated in the corridor.

"Have you been flirting with my nurses?" He was a master at steering conversation even in his weakened state; he was still on IV fluids and antibiotics, mainly because he was asleep most of the time. He would still be on a course of antibiotics after being discharged. He was no longer receiving supplementary oxygen and he was eating the majority of the food he was given with no issues, he knew once the catheter was out and he'd been given the all clear by the psychiatrist he'd be discharged and continue his recovery in the privacy of his own home.

There was a brief knock at the door and a porter walked in and placed a tray of food on the table, he began to move it over Casey but Severide stopped him. "We got it, thanks." The porter left and he looked down at the food. "Mmm yummy…"

"It's actually all right," Casey replied tiredly.

"You want me to get you something else from downstairs?" he asked.

Casey shook his head slowly. "Don't think I'm going to be awake for much longer."

With the table now over his lap Casey weakly picked up the knife and fork, he gave up cutting into the chicken and ended up picking at the potato and vegetables. Severide wanted to help but was worried he'd overstep, he excused himself, claiming a sudden thirst for coffee and left Casey weakly attempting to eat in privacy.

"How are we doing tonight?" Casey's regular nurse asked brightly as she walked into the room just after he had given up eating anymore. He was just too tired and the constant coughing pained still pained his chest. He just nodded tiredly in response to her question. She looked down at the tray. "Good, you're managing to eat ok," she smiled, "We'll get you up and out of bed again tomorrow and you'll soon be home."

The nurse changed the bandage on his arm and Casey saw the wound properly for the first time, having been too out of it to take much notice of it previously, he wondered if it would scar. Severide had informed him there were eighty little stitches holding the skin whilst it knitted back together. It had been a deep wound, deeper than he thought when he first saw the blood seeping out of his arm. His skin pulled on the stitches; it pinched and twinged when he moved his arm and hand. The nurse explained that the wound was healing well. She removed the gauze from the wound above his eye, Casey wondered how bruised it was now, it still felt swollen and he knew it wasn't opening all the way, but perhaps that was also out of tiredness as it felt like he was constantly struggling to keep both eyes open. She didn't replace the gauze and before she left she asked if he needed anything, he had shook his head. He'd managed not say one word to her the whole time she was with him.

Severide returned with a polystyrene cup of coffee just moments after the nurse left, Casey was already more than half asleep, completely unaware of his presence, he made sure the cup was full of water and that the blankets were covering him comfortably before leaving.

Just as the nurse had said the next morning Casey got up and out of bed, he made a few steps before retreating back under the safety of the covers. His legs didn't feel like his own, they could barely support his weight and to his deep shame the simple act of moving one foot in front of another seemed impossible as he shakily held onto the IV pole for support.

He woke a little later under a tangle of sheets, they were claustrophobic and restraining, he tried to adjust them feebly but only succeeded in tangling himself further in them. He was alone in the room, the lights were bright, he suddenly felt like he would cry once again although he had vowed never to breakdown like he had the previous day. But he felt so weak, so sore, exhausted despite rest, and he felt ashamed, ashamed for getting into such a dire situation, ashamed for not being able to stop Harvey, ashamed that Severide knew he'd omitted information from the police. He was ashamed of himself.

The IV was removed that morning, the skin was bruised and tender on the back of his hand, he rubbed it in an attempt to soothe the ache. It was, however, nice to no longer be attached to any hospital equipment. He declined the sponge bath although he knew there was no way he'd be able to shower, he couldn't even stand for thirty seconds without fear that his legs would crumple beneath him but he knew he'd be discharged soon, he could wash in privacy. He noted how little he'd used the bath in the apartment, it had been one of the main things he'd like about the place when he and Dawson had seen it advertised, he didn't take many baths, preferring a quick shower as it suited his busy schedule but the idea of sharing large bath surrounded by candles with the woman he loved appealed to him. At that thought he felt a pang of regret, he wanted to forget all about Dawson, at least she hadn't visited him in the hospital recently. He already dreaded getting back to work and facing everyone's questions, especially hers, she didn't have the right to be concerned about him not after she left him.

He drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the morning, Severide arrived after lunch, which had consisted of sandwiches, Casey had been glad that he didn't need to contend with cutlery but he had struggled keeping his grip on the bread anyway.

"Brought some clothes for you, make you feel a little more human," Severide announced, Casey was thankful, the hospital gown was flimsy and exposed. Casey took a sweater from him, he had to help him into it, all his strength had been drained by the pneumonia. There was something on Casey's mind, perhaps it was just the ordeal but as he sat down on the chair he knew there was something more. "What's up?" he questioned.

Casey looked tiredly towards him, the dark hoody he now wore only served to exaggerate how pale and sick he looked. "A shrink is coming to see me at some point this afternoon," Casey explained bleakly.

"Oh... well, it's probably for the best… but you won't talk, will you?" he questioned knowingly, Casey didn't reply. "You might have to talk for them to discharge you."

"I'll just tell them I'm fine, I'm dealing," Casey replied, a small cough erupting as he finished.

"Even though you're not," he stated.

Casey shot him a look, if looks could kill Casey would be a serial killer.

"You're not fine. No one would be fine after what happened. And you're not dealing, if you were you would have told the cops what you told me."

Casey shrugged, "I'll be fine when it doesn't feel like I'm gonna throw up my internal organs every time I cough."

"You know I'm talking about your head," Severide said pointedly. There was another glare from Casey so Severide threw up his arms in mock surrender.


	11. Home

There was a quick tap on the door before it opened to reveal a smartly dressed woman with shoulder length hair. Casey glanced tiredly over to Severide; this must be the psychiatrist here for his evaluation.

"Matt Casey?" she smiled, he gave a short nod and Severide stood up from the chair. "I'm Doctor Naylor, I'm…"

"From psych," Casey finished for her.

"Is it obvious?" she smiled.

"I was told you were coming," he replied without any hint of emotion.

"I'll come back later, Matt." Severide's hand was on his shoulder, he gave a comforting squeeze before heading out the door.

"Thanks," the doctor replied, she sat down on the stool once the door closed behind Severide. "I would have liked to have seen you earlier but…"

"But it would have been pointless," he replied, almost breathlessly, he was trying to dissuade a coughing fit. "I can barely remember most of my time here."

"A terrible thing happened to you," she began.

"I've seen and experienced a lot of terrible things, I'm a first responder, I know how to deal," he shrugged. "And I know I need to see you to get discharged."

"I'm just here to make sure you are dealing," she replied. "You've been sleeping a lot…"

"Because I'm still ill." A coughing fit erupted just to prove the point.

"You've been sleeping a lot," she repeated. "Have you been having any nightmares?"

"No," he shook his head. Now that wasn't strictly true but he'd dealt with worse dreams, after Andy had died he couldn't close his eyes for months without seeing his friend being swallowed whole by flames right in front of him, after Hallie's death the nights events were on constant repeat in his mind, he slept so little in fear of being unable to save her time and time again. After his head injury everything was a mess, he had nightmares about events he had no memory of, along with every distressful event in the past. He still woke in the midst of a nightmare now despite the amount of time that had lapsed, it was just something he lived with, the occasional nightmare was something everyone lived with, and the recent events would just add to them and there would be nothing he could do about it.

"That's good considering what you went through," she replied.

He shook his head once again, he was annoyed at this misconception that everyone seemed to hold. "I didn't go through anything, not really."

She looked down at her clipboard. "You were drugged and kidnapped."

"Yeah… I guess… but it really wasn't that bad, it could have been worse, a lot worse…" he exasperated. "Look, I know… I've been through enough stuff to know when I need to talk and when I don't. If I need help, if I need to talk about this I will, I have a great network of friends, comes with the job," he explained convincingly.

She looked him up and down, Casey felt incredibly exposed as she did, he sat nervously when she scribbled a few notes down, she looked back up. "We all have breaking points."

"I've not hit mine yet," he replied succinctly.

She smiled although her eyes did not, she looked at him sadly and nodded. "Here's my card; if you ever need to chat about anything give me a call, it's entirely confidential, the CFD wouldn't need to know."

Severide had been waiting in the corridor, he caught the doctor on her way out of the room. "How is he doc?"

"He says he's fine," she replied.

"Of course he says he's fine, aren't you supposed…" he began.

"I can't make him do anything, I can't force him to have any appointments with me or any of my colleagues, I have no reason to make him," she replied, "If you have any concerns, here's my card, if things change call me."

"You think they'll let me out of here today?" Casey asked when Severide re-entered the room. "I passed with flying colours," he announced.

"I bet you did." It came out much more harshly than he'd intended.

"Kelly… nothing happened," Casey insisted.

Severide looked at him incredulously. "Nothing happened, right… so I didn't find you almost frozen to death? Some guy wasn't stalking you for months? Didn't break into our apartment and drug you? Didn't undress…"

"You can leave now," Casey interrupted darkly.

"Case…"

"I said you can leave now," he repeated.

"Matt, I…" Severide tried.

Casey tore his eyes away from the rim of the blanket and glared at him. "It didn't happen to you, it has nothing to do with you…"

"I found you. I found you!" he raised his voice. "You're my best friend and I thought you were dead. You're my best friend and you hid all of this from me."

"Get out," Casey stated, looking away from him now.

"Because you don't want me to see you cry?" he questioned knowingly, "Crying isn't a..."

"Because I'm asking you to leave," Casey replied.

"Fine, whatever," he threw his hands up, "You didn't want any help when this all started, and you obviously don't want any now."

"I don't need any," Casey coughed and spluttered.

"You know what, Matt? You're brilliant at pushing people away. I don't even know why bothering..."

"So are you," Casey replied, his tone lighter this time.

The air had cleared suddenly, Severide sat down with a sigh. "So…" he smiled, "You don't need any help?"

"I can just about get to the bathroom and back… most of the time," Casey replied lightly before letting out a deep breath, "I hate this."

"I know," he nodded, "Give it a few weeks and you'll feel better."

"Hopefully," Casey said glumly, "Doc said it could be months."

"He doesn't know you," he smiled warmly and sat back down on the chair.

"Don't think I can influence my body to suddenly get better," Casey scoffed. After a few moments of silence he turned to face him, "Kelly, when I say nothing happened I do mean it because… because it could have been a lot worse, I don't mean my injuries and getting sick after… I mean what he did, it could have been worse."

"I know," he nodded. "But don't just dismiss everything that happened as nothing. If some guy had done that to me… well, I don't know how I would react but I guess I'd feel… Oh, Case… You've got nothing to feel ashamed of." He hit the nail on the head.

Casey turned away. "I'm tired."

Later on Casey's doctor discharged him and instructed bed rest. He had follow-up appointments for his stitches to be removed and a check-up that he hoped would clear him for duty. He made no objections to being wheeled to the exit, he had struggled to change out of the hospital gown and into some casual clothes, he was exhausted and his cough was persistent. His chest still ached and he still felt nauseous every so often but there was nothing more they could do for him in the hospital, he was just taking up a bed that someone else may need. He slept lightly in the passenger seat of Severide's car as he was taken home, he was glad he hadn't left earlier when he'd asked him to leave.

"We're back," Severide announced as they pulled outside their apartment building.

"Uh huh..." he replied to prove he was awake despite his closed eyes. "Just need a minute," he muttered.

"Sure, I'll get your bag," Severide smiled before stepping out of the car and collecting Casey's bag from the trunk. He walked over to the passenger side and helped Casey out, he made no objections as they steadily made their way inside, Severide held more and more of Casey's weight the closer they got to their front door. He closed the door behind them, still holding Casey upright. "Straight to bed is probably the best idea, or do you want something to eat? It is nearly dinnertime."

"Need a shower, a bath or something," Casey replied drowsily.

"Wait 'til the morning," he advised.

"I smell like hospital," Casey coughed.

"Ok," he accepted. "Just don't lock the door. I don't want to break down a perfectly good door if I hear a thud," he teased.

Casey found himself leaning heavily on the tiled wall as the hot shower water cascaded down his aching body. Severide had been right it probably would have been a much better idea to just go to bed, but he didn't want to get into his fresh bed without washing. He'd had to cover the bandage on his arm with cellophane wrap and tried his best to avoid getting the wound above his eye wet. By the time he'd washed his legs felt like jelly, it took him more than twice as long as usual to dry and dress and when he opened the ensuite door he leant heavily onto the frame to steady himself. He finally made it into bed, it seemed like an unbelievably great distance from the ensuite, he collapsed onto it, not bothering to pull the sheets up, he squeezed his eyes closed in an effort to suppress the dizziness.

Severide entered Casey's room. "Do you want…" he trailed off at the sight of Casey sprawled diagonally across the bed on his front. "Case?" he bent down.

"Mmm..." Casey murmured, he was already half asleep.

"Maybe you should actually get into bed rather than just lie across it?" he smiled.

"Mmm..."

"Come on, I'll help," he urged, "Sit up and get under the covers, I'll switch the electric blanket on."   
  
Slowly, partly because he was half asleep and partly because he still had very little strength, Casey rolled over and brought his knees up to his chest so he could slip his legs under the sheets.  
  
"All good?" Severide asked as he pulled the sheets around, Casey's eyes were already closed again, Severide put the back of his hand against his forehead.

"Sev…" Casey moaned and lightly battered the invading hand away, keeping his eyes closed as he did.

"Just checking you're not dying again. It wasn't pretty the first time so you're not allowed to get ill again, well, more ill then you are at the moment," Severide replied softly.

"'M fine…" he coughed and buried his head into his pillow.

Casey slept uninterrupted for twelve hours.   
  
"Case?" Severide was only millimetres away from him when he cracked open his eyes. "I'm heading to the house, you going to be ok? I'll try to come back and…"

"Don't need checking on..." he slurred, his eyes had already slipped closed again, "Just be sleeping..."

"There's pills, water and juice on the nightstand," Severide told him.

"Uh huh..." he muttered.

"You'll have them when you get up?" When there was no immediate response he questioned again, "Case?"

He ignored Severide in the hope that he would just leave him to sleep.  
  
"Screw it… Matt? Sit up…"  
  
He was pulled upright, pills were shoved into one hand, a glass in the other, he nearly let it slip but Severide was holding most of the weight as he brought it up to his lips once he'd downed the pills.  
  
"There, now you can go back to sleep. If you get up eat something, there's loads of food in the fridge, just heat something up ok?"

"Uh huh," he replied as he sank back down into the covers.

Casey woke up groggily a few hours later, he just wanted to fall straight back to sleep but the pressure in his bladder wasn't going to allow that. He pushed away the cover which felt as though it were made of lead, and slipped his legs out from under its warmth, his bare feet hit the cold floor and he pushed himself up off the bed. He made it to the bathroom on shaky legs and gripped the back of the toilet to steady himself as he relieved his bladder. He washed his hands and rinsed his face, in the mirror he could see that the swelling had gone down around his left eye, the wound above had knitted neatly together but there was still a large bruise, fierce looking against the paleness of his skin. He still looked sick, although he felt incredibly sick and weak so it was no wonder really. After a few minutes he made the long journey back to bed, he barely made it, he had stumbled but instinct allowed him to catch the end of the bed so he never hit the floor. Once back under the covers he fell asleep immediately.

Severide came home briefly, dressed in half of his turnout gear and unknown to Casey, since he was fast asleep and Severide didn't have the heart to wake him up for a second time that day. He refilled the water and the juice and left Casey alone, he was still coughing in his sleep and Severide only hoped the infection would clear up fully soon.

To Severide's surprise Casey was sitting up in bed when he arrived back from his shift. "Morning, feeling better?"

Casey nodded, he really did feel a little better, he had slept most of the time Severide had been at work, only getting up a couple of times for the bathroom, he'd not eaten anything but he hadn't felt hungry. He was hungry now though and his stomach ached and moaned with its emptiness. "Should really get up and…"

"I can bring you breakfast in bed," Severide suggested.

He shook his head. "I've barely left this bed since I got home, I need to get up."

"Fairly certain the doc said bed rest," Severide pointed out.

"Bed rest, couch rest, what's the difference?" he smiled tiredly as he pushed away the covers.

"Well, you've got to get to the couch first," Severide scoffed.

He looked at him with incredulity. "You don't think I can walk to the couch?"

"I think you're still really sick and he _did_ say bed rest," Severide replied pointedly.

"Whatever…" he muttered under his breath. Casey's legs gave out half way to the couch, Severide caught him before he crumpled to the floor. "I can't…" he muttered vulnerably.

"Yeah you can," Severide said, "You just need a hand." He supported Casey the rest of the way and helped him gently onto the couch, he adjusted the pillows and pulled the throw off the back and draped it over him.

Casey sighed miserably. "Everything's so tiring… I hate this. I can barely walk a few feet."

"You're terrible at being sick," Severide teased, trying to improve his mood, "Being sick is great, you get to lie down and watch TV all day long, or sleep all day long."

"Don't want to do either of them…" he replied.

"You wanna book?" Severide suggested.

"Can't keep my eyes open… sorry… I'm complaining and you're just trying to help..." he coughed.

"Like I said; you're terrible at being sick," he grinned.

Casey spoke again after a few moments. "I want to call and find out what's happening with Harvey. Was thinking about it yesterday, does he just get locked up or do I have to go to court or something? How's it gonna work? I'm not going to court if that's how it's going to happen, I'm not standing up in front of people and telling them what happened," his voice grew weaker with each word.

"You sleep, I'll find out what's happening," Severide replied, "And Case. he needs to go to prison, he needs locking up for what he did so if you have to testify for that to happen I think you should."

"I'm not going to," he replied adamantly.


	12. Dawson

"Ok, here we go. Ice cream." Severide sat down on the couch next to Casey who had two blankets draped over his weak and tired form.

"Ice cream?" he raised an eyebrow, "I've not had my tonsils out."

"Yeah, well, ice cream is good, it's comfort food. I also have your favourite movie downloaded and ready to play," Severide smiled as he picked up the TV controller.

"My favourite movie?" he questioned as he watched Severide scroll through the planner on the screen. "You hate this movie," he stated when it was selected.

"Well, I'm willing to sacrifice a few hours of my life for your pleasure," Severide grinned.

Casey fell in and out of consciousness through the entirety of the movie, Severide switched the TV over to one of their many sports channels as Casey continued to doze across the couch. He watched from the corner of his eye as Casey began to move, he was about to roll over. "Casey, you're on the couch," he reminded him sharply.

"Oh..." he murmured sleepily, he'd stopped moving. "Thanks."

"How are you feeling?"   
  
Casey only glanced at him.  
  
"No better then. You want anything to drink? Eat?"

"I'll get something," he replied and started to push the heavy weight of the two blankets off himself.

"No, I will, or I'll be carrying you back to the couch again," Severide smiled.

The next day Casey made it from his bed to the dining table. He was having his stitches taken out later that morning. He had wanted to shower but he just didn't think he was going to be able to manage it. Severide had put a selection of cereal boxes on the table as well as a carton of milk, bowls, spoons and a glass of juice for each of them. Casey couldn't lift the full carton of milk, in the end Severide poured it over his chosen cereal. "Thanks," he muttered.

"Thought we could go over to the precinct once you're done at the hospital? They called after you'd gone back to bed yesterday; your statement's been written up, it needs signing," Severide informed him.

Casey almost dropped his spoon down on the table. "Kelly, I'm exhausted just sitting here I…"

"Right of course, sorry," he backtracked, "They said they could come over if you'd prefer that."

Casey sighed. "Don't want them to come here." He looked down at his cereal, it was growing soggy. "Might as well go and sign it and have the whole thing over and done with."

Severide wanted to say something, wanted to tell him that it might not be all over and done with once he signed his statement, wanted to tell him that Harvey needed to be punished for what he did, put away so he couldn't do what he did to anyone else in the future but he didn't want an argument. He knew how unwell Casey still felt and he did understand why Casey just wanted to move on and get past it, that was how he dealt with things, he didn't want to be constantly reminded about what had happened and having to go through the court system would certainly do that.

"Thanks for this by the way," Casey stated as they sat in the parking lot by the hospital.

"S'all right, no plans for the day, you think you can make it to the door?" he smiled as he looked across to the entrance, he'd parked as close as he could to the entrance. "I'll come in with you," he said before Casey could say anything.

Casey's stitches were removed whilst Severide sat in the waiting area flipping through a magazine without paying much attention to its contents, his mind still thinking about Harvey, he hoped the statement and the evidence the police had would be enough to put him behind bars.

"All done," Casey sat down next to him, he'd not even notice he had appeared he was so deep in though. "Do you mind if we just go straight home…"

"You just need to sign something, it won't take long, you said you wanted it to be over," Severide replied.

"Yeah… can I just have a minute…" he coughed out and it didn't seem to be stopping.

"I'll get you some water," Severide hurried off.

They arrived at the precinct nearly an hour later, Casey was sitting nervously next to Severide, he didn't fully understand why he felt worried since all he was doing was signing his name. He wondered if he was going to have to face Antonio after kicking him out of his hospital room.

Voight appeared in front of them. "Casey, Severide," he greeted them formally. "How are you doing, Matt?"

Casey almost winced at the use of his first name. "Fine. I'm here to sign my statement?"

"Yeah, come with me," Voight replied.

Severide and Casey both followed him down a corridor. "In here?" Severide questioned as they walked into what looked like an interrogation room.

"It's private," Voight explained. "Take a seat, I'll get your statement." When he returned he handed the folder to Casey and told him to read through it, and make sure he didn't want to make any changes before signing it.

As Casey struggled to concentrate on the words Severide was trying to stop himself from enquiring about Harvey but he wanted to know what was happening with him now, he couldn't get the image of Casey's barely alive body out of his head, he wanted to know what was happening to the man who caused his friend so much physical and emotional pain.

"Is Harvey here?" Severide asked suddenly.

Casey's head shot up. "Kelly…"

"He isn't," Voight replied simply

"What?" Severide questioned, "Where is he?"

"He was moved to a psychiatric facility yesterday," Voight explained.

"A mental hospital?" Severide scoffed.

"His mother has had him committed," he replied. "We put forward the idea after his psych evaluation, and given all the evidence we have it's a good result."

Casey's non reaction was carefully controlled, it said volumes more than any glare would. "Why did you need my statement then?"

Voight spoke carefully. "We've had him committed rather than…"

"Rather than locking him up in prison?" Severide questioned.

"It's a secure facility," Voight replied. "Casey, we still needed the statement for this to happen, for it all to be official."

"Seems like a cop-out to me," Severide replied.

Casey turned his attention back to the statement. He skipped straight to the back page and signed it, stood up and left the room.

Severide found Casey in the waiting room. "Let's get out of here, yeah?"

Casey barely said a word during their journey back, partly from exhaustion, partly because he didn't know how he felt about the situation with Harvey. "Sorry for leaving you there."

"It's fine," Severide replied honestly, "I spoke to Voight about this facility, it is secure, and possibly a better deal than prison, they're not going to release him whilst he's sick… and he _is_ sick Casey, you did nothing wrong, you didn't make him do anything to you, you…"

"Stop," he warned.

Severide sighed. "They're not going to release him whilst he's sick, he'd probably be in prison for less time, that's a positive way of thinking about it and of course there's going to be no court process, it's all done, it's over, that's what you wanted, right?"

"Yeah," he spoke quietly as he nodded.

Casey slept for the rest of the afternoon, Severide brought dinner to his room but he barely touched it, he hadn't left his room since they'd returned home, Severide hoped it was only because he felt physically drained but he had a terrible feeling that Harvey was playing on his mind.

Severide popped his head through Casey's door before leaving for work the next day, he was fast asleep and he saw no point in waking him. When Casey did wake he made it to the bathroom, he even had a quick shower, although he neglected to shave. The fuzz on his chin was quickly developing into full grown stubble but he didn't care, in fact he preferred it, he'd always kept clean shaven at work, he thought it demanded more respect, he had been young when he'd been promoted to lieutenant, younger than most of the men in his company so he'd kept up a neat, smart and respectable appearance but he didn't see the point in that whilst he was off on sick leave.

He spent most of his time sleeping either on the couch or in his bed. Neither he nor Severide had brought the subject of Harvey up since the day Casey had signed his statement, Severide didn't think it was healthy but he didn't voice his opinion, he'd rather stay on Casey's side throughout this, ready to listen when he was ready to talk, he didn't want Casey blowing up in front of him by forcing him to do something.

Day by day Casey felt a little better, he managed to stay awake for a little longer, stand a little longer and walk a little further. He'd not left the house since he'd had his stitches removed. He'd had his stitches removed two weeks ago. His doctor had said bed rest but Severide thought he was going to have to force Casey into this, rather than force him to get out and get some fresh air. After all, Casey was still contending with his cough and Severide thought the fresh air would be good. The apartment was becoming a little stale since Casey was usually the one who ended up cleaning but he still had no energy or willpower to do so.

Casey was sprawled on the couch when there was a knock on the door. Severide was out so he forced himself up from his warm and cosy position. He opened the door and immediately regretted not showering in the last twenty-four hours. "Hi, Gabby…"

"Hey," she smiled warmly, "How are you doing?" She peered around him, glancing at the state of the apartment; she didn't miss how rough Casey looked either.

"Getting better," he replied.

"Good," she replied, already edging her way in, "I had a minor chest infection when I was younger, really took it out of me. You should have called me, I can help clean this place up, I know you like everything to be tidy, I can help."

"Oh, it's fine, going to sort it later, I've been busy…" he started.

"Busy?" she questioned, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"Yeah…" he shrugged. "So you came here to check up on me?"

She smiled softly, non-threateningly, she'd known him long enough to know how he hated concern. "I've not heard anything from you since…"

"Since I told you to leave," he stated.

"I'm sorry about that, I knew more than I should have known, I'm sorry but I still care about you, I care about you a lot," she smiled, she'd managed to make her way into the apartment now, the front door was closed behind her. "How about we put things on hold?"

"On hold?" he questioned.

"Yeah until I finish my training," she smiled, "Then we can start again."

"You'll transfer when you've finished?" he frowned. Part of him fluttered with hope, part of him wanted to agree straight away, he had hoped that there was a chance at a relationship, that putting it on hold was a smart idea but they had already tried and failed, he didn't want to hope that a second chance would be any different, he didn't want to put things on hold, he wanted to live in the present.

"Oh… I don't know," she said offhandedly.

"It won't work otherwise, we'll just have the same problems," he replied honestly.

"But you wouldn't be training me…" she began.

"No, but we wouldn't be able to get married, we'd have to hide our relationship. Boden's already pulled strings. I could get demoted if anyone finds out, you care about your career, but I care about mine too," he spoke strongly but his exhaustion was quickly overwhelming him, he wanted to sit down but instead he found himself inconspicuously leaning on the back of a chair.

"Something might come up for you," she suggested lightly.

"Another lieutenants position is less likely than a place at another house for you, and besides, I like 51. If I don't have to go anywhere else then I won't," he said with conviction that he didn't know he had in front of her but he'd spent enough time apart from her to realise what he wanted, and it wasn't to try and please her. He hated to be selfish but he just couldn't please her all the time.

"I like 51 too, it's like family, it's home," she insisted.

"Well then I guess it's me or 51 isn't it then? You can't have both. I can't just put us on hold because they're can't be an 'us' if you're on truck," he replied, suppressing a cough, determined not to show any weakness in front of her now.

"You don't love me enough to transfer, to go to another house?" she questioned, a mix of annoyance and heartbreak written across her face.

"I could say the same thing, Gabby. You've chosen you're career over me, you can't have both unless you compromise," he stated gently.

"You're the one who's not comp…" she began pettily.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," he warned as harshly as he could muster, exhaustion was quickly overthrowing the adrenaline from the heated discussion, "Take a second to think about what I've done, what I've risked so you could get what you wanted."

Conveniently Severide returned home at that point to discover Casey standing determinedly in front of Dawson. "Everything all right?" he asked smoothly.

"Yeah," Dawson stated swiftly, "I was just leaving. Bye Matt."

The door closed behind Dawson, Casey let out a deep breath. "I need to sit down." And he promptly crumpled onto the chair he had been leaning against.


	13. Back to Work

"You ok?" Severide questioned as Casey sat down, he certainly didn't look ok.

"I'm fine," Casey replied tautly.

"Dawson ok?" he asked despite being completely unconcerned about her.

"She's fine," Casey stated.

"So she just came over for…" he edged.

"She was just checking up on me," Casey explained.

"I haven't seen Otis come here and check up on you," he shrugged, getting information out of Casey at the moment was like telling Mouch to exercise.  
  
Casey just shot him an incredulous look.  
  
"So… What did you guys talk about?"

Casey frowned. "Since when have you been so interested in my love life?"

"So she didn't come over as your candidate," he said.

"Look, Kelly, it's over between the two of us, I've made that clear to her, that's what it ended up being about, are you done questioning me now?" Casey's voice rose.

"You were hoping you two would get back together again?" he questioned.

"Don't know what I was hoping for… besides I should realise by now that I shouldn't hope for anything." Casey stood up slowly. "I'm going to lie down." He walked off to his room and shut the door.

It took two more weeks until Casey really started to feel much better, he had one more follow-up with his doctor and if all was well he'd return to active duty. The weeks had gone surprisingly quickly but he had spent most of it dozing in and out of consciousness. Boden came and visited once, he had wanted to bring Terrance but Casey didn't want to pass on any infection, although the likelihood of that happening now was rare. His cough had cleared up and the ache in his chest was all but gone, the only major effect of his illness left was the severe weakness that had taken over his entire body. The doctor may clear him for duty but there was no way Casey would be able to go back straight away, he'd struggled to keep weight on but had only lost a few pounds, it was barely noticeable, he knew going back to work would be exhausting so he'd have to prepare himself. The wound above his eye had scarred but already faded, his arm wound had been deeper, more severe, and he wondered if the fresh scar there would ever fade, perhaps it would just serve as a reminder of the events that had taken place.

A week before he was cleared for duty he felt like he was going stir crazy but there was nothing he could do about it, he was fed up of being stuck in the apartment but even now Casey felt better. He'd rarely left the apartment, preferring to spend most of his time inside. He only left to go for a run or hit the weights at the gym. although what he really wanted to go and do was box, but for some reason unknown to him the idea of going was fettered with anxiety.

Two weeks after his doctor cleared him for duty he returned to work. It had been nearly two months since he'd stepped inside the firehouse. He would be lying if he said he weren't a little apprehensive about his return. No one knew the exact details of the events that had transpired, Severide knew the most, after all he had found him and been there for him during his recovery. Boden knew Casey had been drugged and taken, he had explained a little when he'd visited, he felt it was only right to tell his chief a few more details, he hoped he'd not said too much, he didn't want concern. Dawson also knew Casey had been drugged and taken thanks to her brother. The rest of the firehouse had only been told there'd been an accident and that he'd developed complications afterwards. Casey was going to keep it that way but he didn't doubt that he'd receive a thorough questioning on his wellbeing until Herrmann would gently remind everyone not to badger him because Casey wouldn't talk.

"Lieutenant!" Herrmann greeted loudly when he walked into the common room to find Casey pouring himself a mug of coffee. "Welcome back!"

Casey turned around to him, he'd almost winced at the man's overly enthusiastic welcome so early in the morning but instead he plastered a smiled across his face. "Thanks, Herrmann, good to be back."

"I like the new look…" Herrmann stated with a small frown as he saw Casey's unshaven features.

"Glad you approve," he chuckled. Soon the others poured into the common room, greeting him with similar words and enthusiasm. Connie came by and grabbed his attention before he could disappear into his quarters; Boden wanted to see him in his office.

"Casey," Boden smiled broadly, "Come in. Close the door."

He shut the door behind himself and sat down opposite Boden. "It's good to be back. Chief," he smiled back at him, "Is everyone good?"

"Reports from when you were out." Boden handed him a large stack of folders. "I know you'll want to read up."

"Thanks," he replied.

"It's been nearly two months…" Boden began.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I…"

"Just wanted to tell you to take it easy for the next few shifts," Boden continued.

"I'm not going to stand on the side lines just giving…" he started.

"I know," Boden smiled, he knew Casey all too well.

"I'm ready," he said, "Was going stir crazy at home… I was cleared two weeks ago, I'm definitely ready."

"You're still doing ok then? Have the police…" Casey and Severide hadn't explained all the details to him, he knew the man responsible for Casey's injuries and subsequent pneumonia had been taken by the police, he didn't know the man was in a psychiatric facility, Casey hadn't wanted to give him that insight into the events that had taken place.

"It really is all over and done with," he replied firmly.

"I'm glad," Boden nodded, "I'm glad it's worked out for you."

Casey smiled but he didn't get a chance to reply as the alarms went off.   
  
_"Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, motor vehicle accident…"_

By the end of his first shift back Casey's jaw was aching from the amount of smiling he'd put on but he was truly glad to be back, despite how exhausted he felt when he left the firehouse the next morning. He'd taken on a couple of small construction jobs to keep him busy during his downtime, the extra cash was appreciated as well as he'd only been receiving sick pay recently and he was reluctant to delve into his savings for anything. Severide was actually trying to keep his distance from Casey at work, he knew Casey wouldn't want or appreciate his concern, he was still surprised that Casey hadn't returned to his smart appearance once he'd been cleared for duty but he didn't say anything, he didn't say anything about Casey's new fondness of avoiding people unless it was necessary to deal with them.

Truck 81 along with the rest of 51, and several other crews were at the scene of a hotel fire. There were a couple of news crews behind the lines. It was a fully involved fire before they even arrived and there was little time to do anything, there were several teams searching the building as quickly as possible for survivors. Casey was one of the last firefighters out; a child was clutching his arm as he left the building, a perfect photo opportunity for the press.

"Hey!" Severide called in warning to the two photographers snapping away eagerly as Casey handed the child over the one of the ambulance crews.

Casey had heard the clicking of the cameras after he had taken off his mask and walked away from the building. He'd glanced around briefly to see the press were there, and the anxiety that he had suddenly felt faded as soon as he realised who the cameras belonged too.

"Hey!" Severide warned again.

Casey noticed Severide storming over to the press line. "Kelly," he called. "They're just doing their job."

Severide stopped and walked up to Casey. "Are you ok?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he frowned.

"I thought…" Severide shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

It was late in the evening when they all returned back from the hotel fire, Casey quickly showered and went off to his quarters. He had been back at work for two weeks now, he was not himself when they weren't at a scene, he was isolating himself, he rarely left his quarters, he had never been the social centre of the firehouse but he had joined in. Now he seemed to avoid anything that wasn't related to the job at hand. If he wasn't doing drills with his crew, checking his rig or out on a call he withdrew from the others. He didn't seem as approachable as before, he slapped on a fake smile every day, he couldn't count how many times he had told Severide he was fine. This wasn't the illness, there was something else wrong with Casey.

Casey was sitting at the dining table, his laptop was open, he'd been ordering a few supplies but he'd been distracted by the scar on his arm, he was gazing down at it, he could remember the sharp sting during the scuffle with Harvey, he had never realised how much damage the man had done until he was in the hospital with a large bandage wrapped around the wound.

Severide found him staring down at the scar when he returned home from the gym. "You're not ok, Casey," he spoke.

"I'm fine," Casey pulled his sleeve down and smiled.

"You're different," he said gently, if Casey didn't talk, if he kept up this pretence he was going to explode.

"Thanks, Kelly…" Casey murmured darkly. "That's exactly what I want hear."

Exasperated Severide sat down on the opposite side of the table. "Casey, he was ill, you understand that, right? You didn't do anything wrong, I mean, you didn't tell anyone but you didn't do anything to make that man do what he did to you."

Casey backtracked. "He didn't do anything."

"He didn't rape you," Severide stated. "That doesn't mean he didn't do anything to you. Case, I'm gonna read something to you. 'Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent.' And I know you said no because that's what you mutter in your sleep. He took your clothes off and he didn't do it quickly or out of necessity." He slipped his phone back into his pocket keeping an eye on Casey's expression the whole time. It was carefully controlled and showed nothing, but at the same time it showed everything.

Casey shook his head. "He just took them off… I _wasn't_ sexually assaulted," he scoffed

"Casey he is a sick man and he assaulted you," Severide stated, he thought for a moment before he continued, "Why don't we see how sick he is? Prove to you that this wasn't your fault?"

"Is that what you think?" his voice cracked.

"What? No. I know it wasn't your…" Severide began.

"You think I was sexually assaulted? Does everyone think that?" he questioned, his voice raised with a mixture of anxiousness and disbelief.

"What?" Severide shook his head, Casey was on the defensive but Severide wasn't trying to offend him, "No one knows what happened; you omitted some details from your statement, you…"

"Good," he nodded. "Because nothing happened, not like that."

"Why won't come you out with me and the guys then? You've not even been to Molly's since this happened, you've barely left the apartment." Severide wanted Casey to see what was happening, what he was doing to himself because withdrawing himself from all but work was not the way forward.

"In case you didn't notice; I was sick… I'm still not a hundred percent, work is still taking it out on me, I'm still supposed to take it easy when I'm not on shift," he explained.

"And you've always listened to doctors' orders?" Severide questioned a little more harshly than intended. He shook his head and took a deep breath. "At least let me prove to you that this wasn't your fault."

"You can't," he responded, "It was my fault. I should have told someone. At the time…"

"At the time you thought you were dealing with it…" Severide finished for him. "But Matt, it shouldn't have happened in the first place and it didn't happen because you did something wrong, you know that don't you?"

"Of course I do," he replied quickly.

"You didn't ask him to do anything, you didn't lead him on… You think you did?" Severide questioned.

"I… I don't know," he shrugged, "I must have done."

"He called you pretty," Severide stated suddenly. "Why else would you ask me if I thought you were?"

"Thought you'd forget about that," he said quietly.

"No such luck," Severide replied, "So he called you pretty and what he did is your fault because of the way you look? That's why you haven't shaved, or had your haircut…"

"No," he stated, "I just wanted to try something different."

"To change the way you look because he called you pretty, because he followed you, took photos of you, drugged you and…"

"Stop," he warned, "Stop. Kelly."

"Look. I'm trying to help, you're obviously not in a great place right now, you've not been in a good place since Dawson left you, then Harvey happened, you've been sick and…" Severide was interrupted.

"Do you want to know what's really bothering me?" he looked directly at Severide, "I keep saying that I should have told someone but… but even knowing what was going to happen I'm not so sure I would have told anyone. I wouldn't have told anyone even if I knew the consequences of that."

"You shouldn't be ashamed at what happened," Severide replied.

"I shouldn't?" he questioned, "So you wouldn't be ashamed if it had happened to you? We've have this conversation before, I already know the answer."

"There's no reason you should be ashamed though," Severide countered.

"Yeah, 'cause it wasn't my fault, right? I get it; you have told me a thousand times since this happened," he snarled.

"He's sick and…"

"And you've said that a thousand times as well," he stated.

"Will you shut up and stop being so damn stubborn for a minute!" Severide was losing his temper now, frustrated.

"Sev…"

"Just listen to me, and I mean properly listen. I know you think this was your fault, I know you blame yourself, I know you're ashamed at letting it happen, I can't change that, that's why I have told you a thousand times that it wasn't your fault, that he is sick, that you didn't ask for this just by being you. And I want to try and prove to you at that he is sick, I want to help you move on from this and I don't know what else to do, so I want to show you and you need to let me," Severide pleaded.

"Show me?" he questioned, a frown spread across his brows.

"I think you should see Harvey." Before Casey could object he added, "See some of the interrogation video, his psych evaluation…"

"You think I'm different?" he interrupted recalling the start of their conversation.

Severide nodded. "I think you're different because you're worried that this has changed you, that's the reason you're isolating yourself; because you think it _has_ changed you, but it hasn't. I don't think of you any differently and no one else does."


	14. Video

"Thanks for this, Sev," Casey spoke sincerely as they stood together in the precinct waiting for Voight.

"Just hope you can sleep better after, worry less," Severide replied honestly. The dark circles under Casey's eyes were like permanent racoon-like features with their bruise like colouring.

"Me too," he muttered, nearly out of earshot. He just wanted to put everything behind him and move on, he thought that would have happened as soon as Harvey had been dealt with but now he was gone, locked away in a psychiatric facility, he couldn't help but think that he was to blame, that he did or said something the first day Harvey met him although he couldn't recall saying a word to him.

Voight took the two them into his office, Severide had spoken to the detective a few days ago once Casey accepted his idea. Severide knew that he'd have to arrange it especially as it would involve speaking to Voight who thankfully agreed to Severide's idea, perhaps he felt guilty about everything he had put Casey through a few years ago. Severide didn't care if he was doing them a favour out of guilt, he should feel guilty after threatening Casey.

"This is the recording from the first time Harvey was questioned," Voight explained as he selected a video to view.

When he didn't leave Casey questioned, "You're staying?"

Voight had planned to stay, after all he had already seen the video, but he understood why Casey didn't want anyone else in the room except for Severide. "I'll be right outside."

The video started off with some simple questions but Casey tensed when Harvey's demeanour changed, when he realised no one was buying his story, that Casey had willingly come to the boat, that there had been an accident and he'd fallen overboard. Harvey had been sobbing but the sobs suddenly faded and even on the small screen Casey could see the darkness in the man's eyes.

_"He's lying to you, he's embarrassed, scared of what we have."_

_"Explain this." The detective placed a photo of the wine glass and bottle in front of him. "Your prints are all over the bottle…"_

_"So we had a few drinks at his," Harvey smiled._

_"There were traces of GHB and Rohypnol in the wine," the detective told him, "You didn't have a few drinks, you drugged him, he never invited you into his home, in fact he told you on several occasions to stop contacting him."_

_"He was sick, I was looking after him," Harvey defended._

_"You drugged him because you knew there was no other way you'd get him on that boat, you'd been taking pictures of him for weeks…"_

_"Because he's pretty, he loves it, he loves the photos, just ask him… he is ok, isn't he? When can I see him? He needs me, he'd be alone without me," Harvey spoke quickly, it was like he wasn't even aware of where he was, what he had done, but there was a shadow in his eyes; he knew exactly what he had done._

_"You drugged him and kidnapped him, it's a criminal offence, you're facing years in prison with the evidence we have," the detective explained._

_"When can I see him? You're trying to keep us apart, aren't you?" he questioned urgently. "He's sick, you can't believe what he says, he doesn't understand, I was showing him…"_

_"Showing him?"_

_Harvey smiled serenely. "That he loves me, he's perfect for me, I'm perfect for him…"_

Casey stood up. "I can't watch this."

"Case?" Severide spoke up as he walked away from the screen.

"I'll be outside," he quickly stormed out of the room, rushing past Voight, leaving Severide alone with the video.

Severide wanted to follow him out of the room to ensure he was all right, but the temptation to watch more footage won over so he brought his attention back to the screen.

_"What exactly happened on the boat? Where did all of this blood come from? You need to tell me the truth, you're only causing trouble for yourself by lying." The detective showed Harvey two more pictures._

_"We were on the boat for dinner, he was sick, he fell, I tried to help but he fell overboard so I waited for help," Harvey explained._

_"You didn't call for help when he fell overboard? When he fell and hurt himself? That's a lot of blood," the detective replied._

_"I helped him like I did when he was sick," Harvey insisted._

_"What did you do?" the detective asked, delving for more details, more evidence._

_"His clothes were dirty," Harvey responded somewhat reluctantly._

_"You changed them?" he questioned._

_"He felt better afterwards, he…" Harvey trailed off._

_"He?" the detective urged after a few moments of silence but Harvey didn't finish, "Did he say that you could undress him?"_

_"He wanted it, he wanted me," Harvey said hurriedly, there was panic in his tone now._

_"If he wanted it you wouldn't have had to drug him," the detective stated simply._

_"He was confused, he…" Harvey began._

_"Harvey there's no way to dig yourself out of this," the detective interrupted._

_"He wants me! He needs me! He's alone without me!" he yelled._

_The detective remained calm, "I'm arranging a session with a psychiatrist but for now we have enough evidence to hold you here."_

Severide found Casey sitting outside on a bench watching the world go by, he sat down next to him without a word, Casey didn't acknowledge his presence but he knew he was there, after a while he spoke. "Got myself in a right mess, didn't I?"

"Yup," he replied shortly.

"You enjoy watching the rest of that video?" Casey scoffed.

"Enjoy is not a word I would use," he said carefully. "It was… interesting."

"Yeah… the mind of a stalker," Casey chuckled at that. "Stalker," he shook his head, "What a mess."

"How…"

"How do I feel now?" he finished. "I don't know… angry maybe, angry that I… I should have…" He sighed, shook his head. "It's in the past. I know it wasn't my fault but… but why me?

"You saved him, he just… just latched onto you I guess."

He frowned. "Everything he was saying… he thought it was real… I didn't…"

"Case?" Severide pressed.

After a moment of silence he began. "On the boat… on the boat I… I tried to play into his… into his delusions… I couldn't move, I didn't know what else to do… I played along with it…"

"I'd have done the same," Severide responded simply. It was reassuring.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Severide replied sincerely, "I don't know what else I would have done… don't know what else you could have done."

"Ok," he nodded.

"You wanna go out tonight? We can drink a silly amount of alcohol and get home in the early hours of the morning?" Severide suggested, trying to lighten the mood, and hoping Casey would start to get out of the rut he was in.

"Get drunk and forget everything?" he questioned dubiously.

Severide shrugged. "I'm out of suggestions."

"Me too," he replied. "Kelly… I am ok," he said as genuinely as he could muster, "Thanks for this, and thanks for coming with me, I wouldn't have done it on my own."

That night Casey and Severide sitting in one of their local sports bars, they didn't want to drink at Molly's, not when it was highly likely that some people from the firehouse would be there, they needed to be respected by them and if they were going to get as drunk as Severide suggested there was no way they wanted to do that in front of anyone they knew.

"Two more shots," Severide caught the barman's attention.

The shot glass was slid in front of Casey, who was already feeling euphoric, Severide had already teased him for stumbling slightly when he'd walked back from the bathroom. "So I've not noticed you bringing anyone home in the last few months… you gone celibate?" he laughed, nearly spilling his shot before he tipped it down his throat. It soothed him.

"Could say the same thing about you," Severide countered.

"I have an excuse, I was ill," he said pointedly, "And I don't really do that sort of thing..."

"Not even after Dawson..."

"We're here to get drunk, not talk about stuff," he stated.

Severide's attention was drawn to the door. "Those two," he stated.

"Huh?" Casey frowned but Severide was already putting on his charm.

"Hey ladies," he drolled as they walked over, their curiosity peaked, "Are you meeting anyone?"

"I think we just have," the one on the left smiled.

It amazed Casey at how outward Severide was, and that it seemed to work the majority of the time. Soon all four of them were standing round each other chatting and drinking away. Alcohol ebbed away Casey's low self-esteem that he usually shielded with a mask. Hallie used to tell him there were two Matt Casey's, there was Matt, self-conscious, private, loving, and there was Lieutenant Casey, fearless, natural born leader.

Soon the blondes hand was on Casey's shoulder, creeping upwards, but he couldn't just see her, he was lying on the floor motionless with Harvey's face smiling serenely down at him. "Are you ok?" her question broke his thoughts; he'd been flipping between reality and the past.

"Fine… Think I've just had too much to drink," he laughed it off.

She smiled. "We could go back to mine?" her hand reached his neck.

He grabbed her wrist as gently as he could to stop her from caressing his neck. "I can't... sorry."

Severide found him outside, the night was cold and his breath made patterns in the air. "Come back inside."

"I've called a cab," he stated.

"I'll come back with you then," Severide replied.

"Don't," he replied. "Go back inside and have fun," he said just as a cab pulled up, he got inside, "See you later." He slammed the door shut.

A few days went by. Casey knocked on the frosted glass panel door, he had doubts about what he was doing but he wasn't sure what else to do at this stage.

"Lieutenant Casey, a pleasant surprise," Chaplain Orlovsky greeted him with a warm smile.

"Hi," he returned the smile, although it felt forced, it pinched at his cheeks. "I don't know how this works, I don't know if I should have made an appointment but…"

"Come in Matt," Casey sat down on the couch opposite the Chaplain. After ten minutes the Chaplain began, "So you came here to just to sit down on my couch?"

"Erm… Sorry I…" he trailed off.

The Chaplain had already taken note of the scar on Casey's arm as he'd taken his jacket off before sitting down. "That's recent? What happened?"

He pulled his arm closer to his body. "I should go," he said briskly and stood up.

"You came here for a reason," the Chaplain stated gently. "Drink?" he offered Casey a can of pop.

Hesitantly he took the drink and sat back down, he drank half the can in several small sips before announcing, "I had a stalker."

"That's how you got the scar?" the Chaplain questioned.

Casey nodded slowly. "It started at work, ended up with me drugged on a boat and having my clothes taken off… and the only person who knows I was awake when that happened is Sev… and now you… the other night I didn't follow this girl, this lovely girl home because I thought she might take my clothes off and I didn't want that… I turned down sex because a man was stalking me and…" he frowned, sighed, "You don't want to hear about my sex life."

"I'm here to listen to whatever it is you want to tell me, and I will help as much as I can," the Chaplain said, "That's why you came here; for help."

"Sev thought I should see shrink," he quipped.

"I'm glad you came to me," the Chaplain replied. "You have been through a lot."

"Everyone says that… but it's just… just my past…" He took a deep breath, bracing himself. "But I can't shake this."

The Chaplain smiled warmly, it made Casey feel at ease. "Start from the beginning."

When Casey entered the apartment later that day Severide greeted him, "Where've you been? You look exhausted."

"Just finishing up a job downtown," he replied.

"You're good, right?" Severide questioned.

"Right," he smiled.

Casey was sitting in his quarters filling out a report for the call they had attended that morning when Severide crept in. "Hey..."

"Hey," he repeated, a little shocked at his sudden appearance, "Don't you knock anymore?"

"Sorry…" Severide replied, taken back by Casey's tone. "Someone's here to see you."

"I'm not…" he began.

"Not in the mood for visitors. I know. You'll like this one though." Severide left, leaving Casey sitting with a slightly bewildered look across his face.

Casey strolled into the common room, it looked as though everyone was in there. "Here he is; Lieutenant Casey," Boden announced.

A gap parted in the crowd of people revealing a young girl standing with her parents, she was clutching a drawing. "We just wanted to say thank you before we left for home," the father smiled. Casey didn't recognise the parents but he did recognise the girl he pulled out of the hotel fire.

"Just doing my job," he smiled, the girl walked over to him a hug his waist, someone started to clap and Casey no doubt thought it was Herrmann.

"Thank you," the girl looked up at him. "This is for you," she handed him the drawing.

"Thank you very much, I'll put it next to my desk," he replied and she beamed up at him.


	15. AWOL

The weeks passed by, winter turned into spring and with it Casey appeared to put Harvey behind him, time did heal but he would never be able to forget what happened to him and part of him would always blame himself. Blame made any unoccupied moments almost unbearable, and he'd gone from isolating himself to seeking out company to distract himself. When he wasn't blaming himself then he was attacked with memories of the events that took place on the boat. He'd seen the Chaplain a few times, they just chatted amiably for the most part, Casey didn't fear speaking honestly to him, he didn't worry too much about how he was perceived by him, they didn't chat about anything too significant, sometimes they'd just talk through Casey's week, it was nice to talk without the barriers that his leadership created.

"I need to get out more…" Casey surmised, "I didn't used to talk about work with Hallie, not really, but she'd talk to me about her day, stuff that was going on her with her… I miss that… And I kinda miss Dawson, just being friends with her… I miss Shay… So much has changed in the last year. None of it good."

"None of it good?" the Chaplain questioned.

"Severide moved in," he said. "But that wouldn't have happened if… It's nice having him around, we have our moments but I think we'll always be there for each other. He found me. Did I tell you that? Everyone thought I was dead, that they were looking for a body but he found me. I don't remember that though."

"I remember a time when you two were at each other's throats," the Chaplain stated.

"I wish I could go back…" he muttered, "I picked up the phone to call him so many times but I never did, worried I'd just make him angrier, make the situation worse. We both blamed each other, we never admitted to blaming ourselves. I know I blamed myself, I still do but… but the pain I felt back then it's not constant anymore. I can go days without thinking about it, so I suppose in a few years' time I'll look back and just see this as a bad memory. It feels wrong, that things become less significant."

"They don't become less significant," the Chaplain replied, "Just because it hurts less it doesn't mean it never hurt. We can't carry around so much pain though. Feeling the pain of your losses less, your sufferings less, doesn't mean they're not significant, doesn't mean you've forgotten or that you don't care anymore."

Life at the firehouse was incredibly normal and Casey was glad of it, Severide was no longer constantly checking up on him and he no longer felt worried about him; life had returned to normal. But as the weeks wore on Severide noticed a new difference about Casey.

It was nearly two in the morning when Casey trawled in. "Late night?" Severide questioned from the couch.

"Did you wait up for me?" he almost laughed.

"Nope," Severide replied shortly.

"So you're watching the infomercials because…"

"I was switching channels," Severide replied.

"I did message you," he'd made sure he had, to save Severide from any unnecessary worrying. They were both adults but past events had created caution.

"I know," Severide replied.

"The likelihood of getting into a situation like that again is so unlikely," he stated as he took his jacket off.

"That's what you tell yourself everyday then?" Severide questioned, much more harshly than he had intended.

"What? What's wrong with you?" he frowned.

"You don't want to leave the house for weeks and now you're barely here," Severide replied.

He almost laughed. "We're not a couple, Severide, this isn't  a relationship. I can do what I want, I'm past everything that happened, you should be too, you're not the one who…"

"Who found you? You almost died Casey and now… and now you're…"

"Now I'm what?" he questioned heatedly.

"You… you just don't seem to appreciate it…" Severide began.

"Go do one, Severide." He chucked his arms out threateningly. "Don't appreciate it…" he repeated, shaking his head. "What do you want me to do? Get down on my knees and..."

"You're being reckless," Severide stated.

"Take a look at your own life," he snarled, "Don't have a go at me for being reckless. I'm having fun, Kelly, for once in my life I'm just trying to enjoy myself and it's working."

"Ok," Severide said acceptingly.

"Ok?" he frowned, "I thought you were having a go at me."

"I dunno… I thought this was some sort of… I dunno, I thought you were just acting out because of what happened to you, that you were drinking, sleeping with random people because…"

"Maybe I am," he shrugged, tone calm now. "I don't know. I've never really had this freedom to just do what I want. I mean, this isn't what I want but trying to get what I've wanted for my whole life hasn't worked, so I'm just gonna have fun. Even if that means I'm going to have a killer headache when I wake up tomorrow morning."

"You've drank loads," Severide half stated, half questioned.

"I had too," he replied quietly.

"Harvey?" Severide raised an eyebrow in question.

"Yeah," he admitted.

"I'm sorry," Severide said sincerely, he was sorry that Casey had ever gotten into the situation he had.

"Alcohol works. At least I don't freak when someone touches me, at least I can have sex without…" he trailed off.

"It's still there in the back of your mind."

"I don't think any amount of alcohol will get rid of it," he replied honestly.

"Why don't you talk to someone? A therapist? Doesn't need to be a typical one," Severide suggested softly.

"I can't count how many times you've suggested that," he smiled.

"Because I think it'll help you," Severide replied.

"You can stop mentioning," he shook his head, "I am talking to someone. You... and the Chaplain."

"You are?"

"You don't need to sound so surprised."

"Is it helping?" he asked.

"Yeah," Casey nodded, "I think so."

During their next shift Severide watched Casey, he often did and most the time it went unnoticed. Casey was sitting at the end of the table, his usual spot, reading the daily newspaper, Herrmann and Mouch were chatting exuberantly by him but Casey was in his own world, he couldn't even feel Severide's eyes on him. He wasn't reading anything distressing or overly interesting, in fact Severide doubted he was paying much attention to the newspaper that lay in front of him, he was preoccupied. If anyone looked close enough they'd know but no one ever looked close enough. Severide wanted to go up to him, ask him what was wrong, tell him to relax because it looked like the whole world was crashing down on his shoulders. Casey was strong but he wasn't that strong.

Suddenly Casey stood up, folded up the newspaper and walked off without a word. Severide followed a few moments later, he found Casey sat on the front of Truck 81 as it was parked up on the driveway. He sat down next to him wordlessly.

Restlessly Casey got up and with his back to Severide, looking out onto the street, he sighed and spoke after a while. "I got a phone call about an hour ago from the cops."

"And?" Severide urged when Casey said nothing more.

Taking a deep calming breath he explained, "Harvey's AWOL."

"What?" Severide's brows knitted together, "How does that even happen?"

"He just left… They were outside doing a group activity, they didn't notice he was missing for nearly half an hour." Frustration laced his tone.

"So he just walked out?" Severide questioned incredulously.

"They said the gates open for deliveries, apparently that's when he slipped out which means he thought about it, planned it," he replied almost despondently.

"What's happening now?" Severide asked.

"I put the phone down." He'd slammed the phone down, in fact. "They wanted to send a police protection detail. I can look after myself."

"Case…"

"He only got to me because he drugged me, the only reason I couldn't take him out was because he had fed me that cocktail of drugs," he replied.

"But don't you think…" Severide began to protest.

"Kelly, I didn't tell you this so you could tell me what I should or shouldn't do," he responded starkly.

Severide decided to change the subject. "Come boxing with me tomorrow."

Casey shook his head.

"I'd rather you hit something with gloves on," Severide said plainly.

"I'm not… I'm annoyed, I'm not angry."

"Well, the offer still stands," Severide smiled thinly. The next few days went by without incident, Casey continued to refuse any sort of police detail. Casey stepped out of the burning building with a child in his arms followed by Cruz, a teenager clasped to his side. Whilst they'd been inside Chief Boden had arrived.

"Herrmann and Dawson went up to the top floor to get the dad," Casey informed Boden after taking off his mask and handing the child to the paramedics, he'd reassured her that they were working to find her father. Turning back to the building Casey called into his radio, "Herrmann, Dawson, you've not got long." There was silence. "Herrmann do you copy? Herrmann?" Worry rose in his chest but he kept calm on the exterior.

 _"I've lost Dawson,"_ Herrmann's response came.

"What?" he almost shouted through the radio.

 _"She must have gone off… and she's not responding, I can't hear a PASS alarm,"_ Herrmann replied.

"You're still on the second floor?"

 _"She was right behind me…"_ Herrmann stated.

"Chief?" Casey questioned.

Boden knew exactly what Casey was asking and gave a nod, he was already masking up. "You've got five minutes, Casey."

Casey picked up his halligan and headed back to the building, Cruz began to follow, calling after him. Casey turned to him, "No, I'm not having anyone else risk their life."

He found Dawson struggling to pull along the victim, it was the kid's father. "Is your radio not working?"

"I'm just trying to…" she began

'Trying to get all three of you killed?' Casey wanted yell in but he'd learnt long ago to control his anger in a situation like this. "Herrmann are you heading out?" he questioned.

The radio crackled back. _"Yeah, lieutenant."_

"We're on your six," he replied. "Let's get out of here." He and Dawson lifted up the victim together. They made their way out of the building just in time as the stairs collapsed behind them.

Once the victim was safely in on the gurney Casey took Dawson to the side. "What happened in there?"

"I thought I saw the father…" she started.

"I've had to say this before," he exasperated, "You're part of a team, you didn't just put your life at risk, you put Herrmann at risk, you put the victim at risk. Never go off without telling anyone, you have to wait for permission, you should have told Herrmann and gone together. You risked Herrmann's life. You can't do that again."

Casey was seething the whole journey back. Boden had already informed him he wanted to speak privately in his office once he had changed and showered. Had he not taught Dawson any better? Had he not explained time and time again that she was under his command? He had told her to go with Herrmann, that didn't mean go with him until she decided to do her own thing without informing anyone.

He walked into Boden's office and began. "I've got it handled, chief, I told her at the scene and I'm going to have another word with her now because…"

"Because it's unacceptable behaviour and this isn't the first time, it's not even the second time," Boden replied, Casey remained standing, hands behind his back.

"No, no it's not," he said, already resigned to what he was going to have to do.

"We've all known Dawson for a long time, perhaps we have been too lenient, we're both too personally involved, perhaps I should never had suggested that she train here,  or under you," Boden said.

"I've failed her, I…"

"That's not what I mean, you've done your best but it doesn't look like she's suited to this, this isn't down to you, or to Herrmann," Boden explained. "Matt, do you want me to do this?"

"I'll do it," he nodded grimly. "It's not your job."

With perfect timing Connie knocked on the door, a couple of folders in her hand, Boden gestured her in and took them for her. "Thank you, Connie. Could you ask Dawson to come and see me please?" Connie gave a quick nod and left.

"Take a seat Dawson," Casey said as she entered the room.

"If this is about the last call then I did the right thing," she began defensively.

Casey glanced at Boden, disbelieved that Dawson still thought she had done had the right thing. "Dawson, you disobeyed orders."

"You disobeyed orders and put three lives and your own at risk," Boden expanded.

"I can't have that on my truck," Casey said softly, "I've reprimanded you for it in the past, I didn't have to give you a second chance then, but I did. I can't have you on my truck. You're being DQ'd. I'm sorry."

"What?" she questioned, alarmed, "Chief?"

"I'm in agreement with your lieutenant. This job isn't suitable for everyone," Boden responded.

Casey followed Dawson out of the office to the locker room. "Gabby…"

"What?" she spat as she turned around to face him.

"I am sorry, really I am," he said sincerely.

"You never wanted this," she said harshly.

Lightly he replied, "That's not true, Gabby."

"You never encouraged me to do this," she stated.

"I…" he stopped, there was no point in arguing, he'd learnt that she'd not listen, he wasn't going to waste his breath, he didn't want to end this badly. "I know how much you wanted this, and I am sorry." She had wanted it so much that she had ended her relationship with her, but maybe that hadn't been much of a sacrifice on her part. "If you ever need my help to…"

"The last thing I need is your help," she grabbed her things from her locker and left Casey standing in the empty locker room with his shoulders slumped. He'd never felt more alone.

 

 


	16. Harvey

Casey took a deep breath to steel himself before he stepped into the common room.

"Is Dawson doing dinner soon? It's almost 7pm," Mouch commented as soon as he entered.

"Actually, she's not doing dinner tonight, or any other night," he began. He had the attention of everyone in the room now, which was just about everyone apart from squad and a couple from engine who were elsewhere. "Boden and I have just DQ'd her."

Herrmann nodded in understanding and went back to his newspaper. Cruz and Otis glanced at each other and Mouch stood up and went over to the fridge.

"We'll probably have a relief firefighter for the next few shifts," Casey informed them all. None of them seemed as concerned as he thought they would over his decision to DQ Dawson. He stood in the middle of the room just watching everyone getting on with their own business; he needn't have been so worried about telling them.

Just as he was about to leave Herrmann stood up and spoke to him, out of earshot from the others. "You always doubt decisions; you shouldn't."  
  
Casey gave him a smile then addressed everyone again. "I'll quickly knock something up for dinner," he said, heading over to the kitchen area.

Severide found Casey in his quarters an hour after everyone had eaten. He was sitting at his desk with his hand in his hands, his blinds were drawn meaning he didn't want to be disturbed but Severide felt that didn't include him. "Dawson's gone then?"  
  
Severide asked as he shut the door, Casey nodded slowly and turned to look at him.  
  
"Have you been…"

Casey cut him off. "I'll take you up on that offer now. I could do with it."

"Good. I don't want to come home to find more holes in the wall," he replied, chuckling a little.

"I've never DQ'd anyone before." Casey sighed, turning away. "I failed her."

"You and I both know that not everyone has what it takes to do this job. You didn't fail her," he assured him.

Casey shook his head. "She shouldn't have done her training under me… our relationship is over and now her career is…"

"Her career isn't over, her training is because she's not a team player, she can go back to ambo easily enough or do anything else she wants, don't let this rest heavily on your shoulders as well as everything else," he tried to reassure him.

"She didn't want to listen to my apology, she didn't want to hear it, she just left… again and now…"

"You're not alone Case," he stated.

"I feel like I am," Casey replied quietly after a moment.

"Quit it, Casey," he scoffed. "You're depressing me now," he teased in the hopes of bringing a smile to Casey's face. It did but he knew it was forced and he worried he'd just put Casey off talking to him, when the truth was he was worried he didn't have the answers Casey needed right now.

The next few shifts passed by without any notable incidents. Casey had heard nothing about Harvey, perhaps he had just disappeared. But Casey didn't believe that and nor did Severide, who was insistent that he should have someone follow him around in case Harvey tried anything but he refused.

Casey standing surveying scene after he jumped out of the rig. There was a single car ablaze in the middle of the empty courtyard. This was the second call they'd had in one week to a single car fire. There had been no victim inside last time and on closer inspection they discovered there was no one inside this time either, but Casey now found the situation suspicious. Both cars had been torched and were in similar locations. He stood by the smoking remains after the fire had been put out and looked around, there were a few members of the public observing but nothing odd looking. He soon realised he was looking for Harvey, a dark thought in the back of his mind wondered if these had been deliberate attempts for the man to see him again without rousing suspicion. He shook his head and brushed his thoughts off as paranoia.

"Second one of these this week," Herrmann stated as he passed by him.

"Gangs?" he suggested.

"Probably… torching decent cars… " Herrmann shook his head. "In this area though?" he wondered, but he left to put their equipment back in the rig.

Suddenly he felt like he was being watched, he spun round but saw no one. "Damnit..." he muttered, he really was paranoid, he wished he hadn't let Harvey get to him like he had.

The next day Casey and Severide went out to one of their usual haunts, Casey put Harvey to the back of his mind.

"Who's that then?" Severide questioned when Casey made his way back over to the bar.

He looked back at the blonde he'd been talking to. "Oh, I dunno..." He shrugged and ordered two more drinks.

"How much have you had to drink?" Severide asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Why?" he smiled broadly, inhibitions gone. "Gonna lecture me?" he joked. "It's Friday night, we're having fun."

"You're definitely having fun," Severide noted with a smile.

"Yes I am," he took the drinks and went back to the blonde.

The next morning Severide found Casey sitting at the island worktop in the kitchen. "We need to stop doing this, my head is killing me."

Casey scoffed. "Here," he passed him a glass of water and some painkillers. "You're getting worse in your old age," he laughed.

"How come you're so perky?" Severide groaned.

"Because I got in several hours before you and I was considerably more sober…" he trailed off.

"More sober?" Severide repeated.

"Less drunk?" he shrugged.

"I don't remember much but I remember you and a blonde and some drinks…"

"I didn't sleep with her if that's what you want to know, we just chatted, it was nice, and also probably why I did drink less than you," he replied.

"That's better," Severide commented.

"What?" he frowned.

"I no longer feel like I'm in some sort of alternative universe, where you have lots of one night stands with nameless women," Severide grinned.

"It got boring," he stated.

"It never gets boring," Severide teased.

He took a sip of coffee and after a few moments stated. "Think I'm gonna get my haircut today, just to neaten it up maybe." It was something he didn't, and wouldn't usually need or want to share with Severide but he wanted to tell him. 

"You gonna shave off that pathetic beard too?" Severide laughed.

"Hey..." He mock hit his arm. "It's not pathetic; it's tamed. Not like I can have anything else with SCBA gear..."

Severide contemplated for a moment. "It… It looks all right, you know, if you wanted my opinion," he hesitated. "It's your eyes; they're pretty and you can't change them."

Casey froze at the word pretty, his face became a mask momentarily before a grin crept across his features. "Well, I think you're pretty too. Severide."

"Ok, this is getting odd," Herrmann announced at the scene of their next car fire.

"Arson investigators are on it," Casey replied shortly.

"Always on our shifts?" Herrmann pointed out.

"I know, Herrmann," he said, a little exasperated. He still had a terrible feeling that he knew exactly who was behind this, but was setting fires really something Harvey was doing just to see Casey? It seemed a bit farfetched; perhaps he was worried that Casey was being watched by the police.

The chief wanted to see Casey in his office, but when he got there it wasn't just Boden who was standing inside. "Lieutenant, come in."

"You wanted to see to me, chief?" he said as he entered.

"You've attended all the recent arson fires?" Boden questioned to give the others in the room confirmation.

"The car fires? Yeah," he nodded, he glanced at the two others in the room. "You think it's the same person?"

"We're starting an official investigation," one of the men from headquarters responded.

"I put all the details in my reports but…" Casey hesitated, "But they've all been done close by and during our watch…"

"You have an idea about who it might be?" the man asked.

Casey glanced at Boden, there was no way he could lie about this, he could put people's lives at risk. "A man called Harvey Waters; he's already known by the cops."

"He is?"

Casey cleared his throat, he suddenly felt very claustrophobic. "He left a psychiatric facility without permission."

"Casey?" Boden questioned, urging him to continue.

He sighed. "He… I was being stalked by him, a few months back," he spoke quickly, like he was ripping off a band aid.

Boden looked at him, he immediately understood that this was the man who had drugged and kidnapped him.

"So this man is trying to get to you?" one of the men asked.

"I think he just wants to see me, I don't think he'd do anything to harm anyone deliberately," Casey replied.

"You didn't inform the police or us of your suspicions?" he questioned.

"No, it really wasn't until today I really suspected him," Casey explained, "The first time it could have been anyone, the second could have been just a coincidence… but a third, fourth, on our watch with the same MO? It's probably him…"

"You've not seen him at the scenes?" the man asked.

"No," Casey shook his head.

That night Casey was stopped by Severide as he walked back to his quarters with a fresh mug of coffee in his hand. "What's up with you?" Severide questioned, Casey looked thoroughly disgruntled.

"Looks like that police detail is happening now," he said, almost rolling his eyes.

"Why? What's happened?" Severide asked immediately with concern.

"I think Harvey's been setting the recent car fires," he replied, "The cops are going to be coming along to anymore suspicious calls we get."

"Well that doesn't sound like a bad idea," Severide replied honestly, "They might even spot him."

"If it even is him..." 

"You think it is him though?" Severide frowned.

"I don't know. I'm probably being paranoid," he responded.

"I don't think they'd listen to you if they thought you were paranoid," Severide replied.

A week passed by with no incidents, in fact life at the firehouse was quiet except for the same saga that happened almost every shift now that they had no candidate; the cooking rota.

Casey looked up from his laptop, every member of 81 was stood around him at the end of the table. "What?"

"Can we please do something about the cooking situation?" Cruz pleaded.

"Isn't it squads…" he glanced over to the other side of the common room to see the squad crew with some take-away pizzas. "Oh… right then if no one wants to make anything then give a me some cash, I'll go and get us something."

Soon Casey found himself in his truck on the way to one of the nearby fast food joints in an attempt to keep his crew happy. They still didn't have a permanent replacement for Dawson but Boden had mentioned getting another candidate to fill in the spot. The streets were quite quiet as it was around 7pm on a Sunday; if it had been busy he wouldn't have spotted the car following him.   
  
He sped up and the car matched his pace. He pulled up at the stop light and glanced in his mirror trying to see the driver of the other car, but all he could see were shadows but he knew exactly who it was, once the light turned green he took several turns to conclude that he was being followed. He glanced down at his phone contemplating what his next actions should be.

In hindsight he should have found somewhere in the public eye but most the streets were deserted. He pulled up and switched the engine off by an empty construction site. He pressed the speed dial button on his phone and left it to ring before quickly stepping out the truck and slamming the door.

"What are you doing, Harvey?" he demanded.

"Do you know what they did to me, Matt? What you made them do to me?" Harvey reeled off.

"I didn't do anything."

"You lied! All I ever did was…" Harvey began.

"All you ever did was stalk me, you drugged me, you…" Casey stopped mid-sentence. Harvey had reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a gun.

"They told me you never loved me, that it wasn't real." The gun was pointed straight at Casey now, shaking a little in Harvey's grip.

Slowly he shook his head. "It wasn't real, Harvey," he spoke softly, calmly, as he eyed the barrel of the gun, "You made it up, imagined it…"

Harvey's outstretched arms dropped slightly and the gun no longer felt so threatening. "Imagined it? You think I imagined…"

"You're sick," he said forcefully. "Why else do you think..."

"Because you lied!" Harvey yelled, he lifted the gun back up.

"I never lied," he said. "You need help, Harvey, we can call the hospital now and we can…"

"You did this!" Harvey said angrily.

"I did this?!" he yelled despite the gun facing him in Harvey's trembling hands, and then for the first time he didn't blame himself for the situation. "I didn't do this. You did it all to yourself. There's no coming back from this. You did what you did. I did nothing wrong."

Suddenly Harvey lunged towards him and there was a deafening bang. He opened his eyes, completely unaware that he'd even closed them.

Harvey was on the ground, a pool of thick blood was quickly growing around him. Casey looked up to see Voight lowering his gun. "Severide called, we tracked your phone," the detective explained as Casey's eyes went back to the paling lifeless form on the ground. "Are you hurt?" When Casey didn't reply he requested an ambulance to confirm Harvey's death and take his body to the morgue.

"This doesn't make us even," Casey remarked.

"I wasn't expecting it to," Voight responded as Casey walked passed him.

Severide was pacing the apparatus floor when Casey entered, he'd already heard from Voight. "Casey?" he called over to him when he saw him enter through the door, "You're covered in blood…"

"I erm… yeah…" Casey trailed off, now Severide was closer he could see him trembling lightly.

He followed him to the bathroom. "Matt?"

"I'm all right," Casey spoke breathlessly as he splashed his face clean with cold water.

"I think you should sit down," he led him into the locker room and sat him down on one of the long benches.

"He shot him," Casey said quietly.

"Yeah… apparently it was you or him, I for one am glad Voight pulled the trigger before Harvey did,"

Casey shook his head and his next words shocked Severide. "He wasn't going to shoot me."

"Do you really think that?" Severide questioned, his brows furrowed with a mixture of confusion and curiosity.

"I don't know," he shrugged.

"It's all over now Case, you can get back to your life," Severide stated.

"What life?"

Severide tilted his head slightly to one side. He knew what Casey was thinking. "You'll have the perfect family one day, Matt, but for now you have all us. I mean it, you have us."


End file.
